I lost my dad 11 years ago to suicide, which seems forever ago but because i am young, it has consumed my entire life. I thought i grieved my dad a long time ago but recently, i have been overwhelmed with missing him and i cant help but think my life would have been better if he was still here. I guess i never fully grieved my dad because im still incredibly upset that hes not here anymore. I recently lost my sister, while she isnt dead shes gone completely ‘no contact’ with my whole family. This has really impacted me because she was my best friend growing up and now I’ll never see her again. Both my sister and my dad mean the absolute world to me, so ive taken such a hit to the heart with all of this. Its affecting my ability to live day to day and do simple tasks like going to school. I’m having to relearn how to just be normal and this all just breaks my heart. Advice on how to love with grief long term would be very helpful, Im scared that because im so young i will always be haunted by my feelings and that i will always be followed by a string of “what ifs”. Im worried and down right terrified i may never be happy because of my grief.
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Trix, my heart goes out to you. Well done for reaching our for help. Have you had counselling? Do you know how to access it? 
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Thank you, i had counselling when i was younger but nothing recent. I know how to access it, I’m just a bit afraid to take the first step 
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I can understand. That’s such a shame about your sister, too. My sister rejected me about 6 years ago. She now repaints it as us “drifting apart”. It was a pretty forceful drift, by my recollection 
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im sorry about your sister! sounds about the same here, a very forceful drift. I really hope someday i can see her again, but she has moved country by now so i dont think its likely
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