Feeling teary tonight, I lost my mum last October to a long battle with Alzheimer’s, she died at home with me at her bedside, I hadn’t got over watching her die when suddenly whilst on holiday in Portugal I get a call from my sister to say dad had been diagnosed with lung cancer, shock I came home and suddenly found myself thrown into a carer role for dad where I also watched him die within 6 weeks of diagnosis at home again at his bedside this August , I think it’s only just hit me both parents are gone and I feel sad just lately and like everything is pointless or just depressed and lonely, I’m married and have three grown up children and 5 beautiful grandchildren but Christmas is coming and I can’t get into it, I also lost my brother a few years ago aged 34 to a brain hemorage without warning and my best friend from school again unexpectedly , I managed I thought well to overcome all of those losses but since dad died I feel a sadness I’ve never felt before, I have a sister but she left me to deal with mum and my dad alone and I was so angry with her but have I guess accepted maybe she couldn’t deal with it, I didn’t want to either but was left no choice !
Hello @Hector01, thank you for reaching out. I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum, dad, brother and best friend - that is so much grief to cope with. It’s completely understandable that you are feeling so sad and overwhelmed.
Have you ever spoken to someone about your grief? If you’re interested in counselling, we offer free sessions at Sue Ryder. You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
Christmas can be a particularly difficult time when we’re grieving. You might be feeling a pressure to, “get into it” for your children and grandchildren. You might find our support page on coping with grief at Christmas helpful to read.
I’m sure someone else will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share these links with you and let you know that you have been heard and are not alone.
Hi @Hector01 I can totally relate to these feelings. My parents are also both gone, my Mum’s death in January was a great shock. It sounds like you’ve had a lot of loss in a short space of time and again I can relate. Over the last decade I’ve lost my husband, a very close friend and my parents. My Mum’s death has probably been the hardest to bear though so now I feel very alone. I’ve had nine months of grief, lacking motivation and spark for life. I know that eventually these feelings will change but I had to accept it as part of the grieving process. Be kind to yourself and don’t feel you have to be the life and soul of the party at Xmas. I’m sure your family will understand. I plan to have a very low key Xmas this year, just going with the flow and accepting it will be very different. Best wishes to you xx
Thank you for replying and I’m so so sorry to hear of your losses also it’s so difficult and yes so much loss that really only someone that’s gone through it could understand but I am probably expecting too much of myself too soon
Yes, you probably are as the losses of your parents are so very recent… Give yourself time and space to adjust. Keep sharing how you feel, even writing it down seems to help in processing it all. Xx
Im not looking forward to christmas at all. My dad died 2nd December last year and my mum died 5 and a bit weeks later.
December and January are going to be very difficult.
The grief ebbs and flows, some days i feel overcome, other days its easier. But there isn’t a day that goes by that i dont miss them. I yearn to share gossip with my mum and hear my day say alright my darling. The pain can still take my breath away.
Take your time and be kind to yourself. Grief is a hard path to walk x
I cant think of anything to say except im so sorry for your loss , you have certainty had your fair shair of loss , much love to you