Feeling overwhelmed

Hi All, I am just wondering if anyone feels the same way as I do at the moment.
My beautiful mother in law passed away aged 55 in November following a diagnosis of MND in 2018. Her passing in the midst of this pandemic and having a close friend also losing a parent last year leaves me feeling overwhelmed.
Overwhelmed at my loss, at her loss, and everyone else who has suffered. The scale is huge. I also feel so anxious about the future…Will me and my partner have a long life together (I have a chronic condition and after developing chronic headaches on top in August, I keep noticing more symptoms but struggle with drs taking me seriously)…how will I manage without my own parents etc.
The rational part of my brain says it’s going to be tough but take each day as it comes and try to take a step back. However it keeps getting drowned out by the worry.


Hello KJT.

Thank you for posting on the Community. I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here, and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

If you feel you are in need of a little extra help. then Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling.

Another good place to find support, is Cruse Bereavement, they offer a helpline, email support, and counselling and support groups through their local services: 0808 808 1677, helpline@cruse.org.uk, http://www.cruse.org.uk/bereavement-service

I’m confident our lovely members will respond to your post, very soon.

Take care,
Online Community Team

Hello KJT,

Sorry that you are feeling this way. I think everyone would feel this way if they really think about it. It is horrendous that everyone we love we will lose or everyone else will lose us. It’s something I spoke to my Councillor about (in a what is the point of me living just to expect more pain in the future kinda conversation).

Normally we have such a veneer over this one true fact of life that we all don’t think about it but loss makes you look under that veil and it is a terrifying prospect that we have no real control. I guess this is where religion can help some people make sense of it all. I am an atheist (despite trying to believe at several points in my life!!) so I don’t have that. When my husband was alive I used to sometimes worry he’d die sometime and i’d be left a widow like my mum was, i’d cry to him about it in the middle of the night and the thought of us being dead and what nothingness would be like.

Worrying and crying didnt do any good or offer any protection as he still died and i didnt feel any less shocked than if id never considered it ever.
I’m no longer scared of being dead myself (though I’d prefer to live nowadays on the whole if given the choice). It does torment me that by loving other people (my mum, stepdad and brother specifically) I am opening myself up to this horrendous mind-shattering pain again. My counsellor and I talked about it for quite a while (one whole session near enough) and we didn’t come to any good conclusion as everyone is in the same situation so there is no real answer is there. She suggested if i panic about it to just distract myself as it’s pointless. She asked if it’s better if i would never have loved my husband or father or other people who died in my life to have avoided the pain when they died and i said of course not so i guess we’re just stuck like this and it’s something we have to somehow accept or try not to think about since that does no good anyway.

One thing that sometimes gives me comfort is thinking of all my ancestors all through time for thousands of years who have done what i am doing, grieving and living and dying. Its not a wonderful comfort I know lol but somehow it helps me to think of those millions of people and I am just a dot amongst them all.
Another thing on my todo list is to write a letter to my mum to tell her exactly how i feel about her in the hope i won’t feel i had so many things unsaid when the worst does happen if i outlive her. Aside from that and trying to keep the ones i love alive through not arranging family sky diving excursions though there isnt a lot we can do is there… im sorry.

If you feel very anxious about this a lot then like Audrey says counselling or seeing your Dr for medication can help (both helped me, i never expected either would at all). I’m a long way off being OK and I’ll never be the same again but these things, this forum and realising love is worth this pain are things that help me survive despite the expectation of death/loss . Take care.

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