Its 13 months since my husband went to work and never came home. He died from a sudden heart arrythmia. I sometimes feel I’m coping but today i feel overwhelmed. I feel as if i can’t cope with everything on my own. I can’t see the point in doing anything.
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Very similar to my situation…my husband died suddenly and unexpectedly and never got a chance to say everything I would of wanted to say. Nearly 14 months for me since my life change forever. I have been keeping busy and filling my time working and seeing friends but nothing ever changes. Some days are better than others, some days you get triggers and mighty waves. I think the second year is harder in a way as the first year you are in shock and numb. The second year reality kicks in. I’m sorry that you are on this journey as well. Can’t believe that I have survived this long without my soulmate. Hopefully in time we will get used to this new life carrying our husbands with us along the way… take care and big hugs xx
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The down days are devastating.
Sending a big hug x
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Fliss. I can easily understand the way that you feel and the fluctuating emotions connected to this life that we didn’t choose.
Although our route to get here is slightly different it’s the same end result in having lost the one that we love,the person that made our lives complete. Clearly without that person it’s highly unlikely that we will have the same happy state of mind or moods.
I lost my wife just over 10 months ago and I’m now finding that because she was literally everything to me I don’t have the support network that some have,family are a long distance away so I’m struggling through every single day and I have to say that I’ve never felt that I’m coping,some days I feel as though I’m literally on the edge of some sort of breakdown whilst other days it’s just a very very deep sadness.
I think from everything that I read it’s normal to feel as we do,it’s the grieving process,(I don’t say cycle because it feels all over the place,) it seems there isn’t anything predictable or right or wrong about it and again from what I read normal expectations no longer exist.
I can also empathise with not seeing the point in anything,only this morning I spoke to my sister by phone and told her that I can’t see the point in doing anything or keeping myself going in general just so that I continue to suffer. I haven’t reached the point yet where all the years of good memories are a comfort,they are more like jabs of pain reminding me of what I have lost.
I hope that somehow you can find the strength to keep doing things because at the end of the day that is what your husband would say and want for you.
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I feel that this second year is so much harder, whether it’s because the reality has hit home after spending a year in a fog or because friends etc seem to feel that it’s not quite as necessary to help and listen anymore. I’ve been struggling these last few weeks, lost my Keef February 2023, I have so much going on but the one person I really need to discuss things with isn’t here, so I feel really lost and alone. I perfectly understand how you are feeling now.
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I think people are so right when they say that the second year is harder. Last year i think adrenaline kept me going. I can’t find the energy to do things this year. I find i just want to sir about. I do go out and have great friends who i see a lot of. Like you milker my family are a lot way away and although talking is great it’s not quite the same as seeing someone.
I also find now i keep thinking I’ll tell Neil or ask him something and the pain every time i think that is horrible.
We can only hope life gets a little easier to bear as time goes on. Love to all here. Xx
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Hi everyone reading your posts is exactly how I feel yesterday May1st was a year since my husband passed we’d been together since 1972 I feel I have gone right back to when he first passed it’s terrible I have had to have my antidepressants increased and through doctors went to a Bereavement group found it very comforting it’s been mentioned I maybe have Bereavement councilling again but I have actually been asked if Id like to become a volunteer with the Bereavement group if I think it will help me but also help others who are going through the same then I may consider it take care
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I found one year on very hard to cope with with.
Hope you find comfort in the bereavement group. Xx
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Hello Fliss thank you I have found this first year very hard and hope this Bereavement group can help me a little you take care
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10 months is too early i think.to remember good things @miker i am at 16 months and only a few trickles of good memories are coming … its bloody crap this is isnt.it. i think all we can do is lots of self care and keep being very kind to ourselves . Hope youre ok xx
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Thsts a lovely thing to do - help others who are going through it and we know exactly how it is dont we 
xx
Deb5,
Hi ! Nice to hear from you even though I follow your posts on a regular basis just to see how you are.
There are days when the way I feel is just the way I felt holding Jackie’s hand after she died,absolute gut wrenching pain and almost unable to breath because of the pain in my chest,then there are days like today when somehow it just seems unreal and for a fleeting second as though it hasn’t happened.
Sometimes 10 months feels like yesterday but other times it feels like years,either way it brings the pain of realisation in that the woman I love isn’t here.
I’m like you really,living a life that couldn’t be more opposite to the one I had with Jacky and sometimes just wondering why us,why me.
I haven’t read much about the guy with the dog so I guess it’s either still friends or he’s disappeared,it’s a shame really when you consider what he’s missing.
You take care and stay strong,you are always in my thoughts and wishing you the best. xx
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Aw thanks. We still friends i would say and that’s a nice thing to say ! Thanks. Hes bloody hard work though ! Sometimes hes nice and sometimes hes very bloody complicated … thanks for thinking about me though… it gets easier @miker honestly it does - not as gut wrenching - still sad but less painful … better memories replace the very sad ones - this morning i awoke and felt very low - i just wanted a cuddle thats all from him - just a little cuddle after 16 long months ! Not a lot to ask is it but its almost like asking for the moon ! Take care xx
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I really can relate to what you say and feel,sometimes I would even settle for just hearing her voice.
I’m pleased to hear that you are still in contact with your dog walking friend,it may not be perfect but at least he’s there to listen.
Take care and talk again soon. Mike. x
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Yeh thats it isnt it … we need all the friends we can get and yeh he listens to me and i think he cares, sometimes thats all we need isnt it ? Hes got his own issues from a broken relationship which affected him a lot … he nice really but just complicated lol xx
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Deb just take it all as it comes and what is best for you … I can’t work myself out, let alone anyone else! so don’t try now. My husband was so easy to be with, no complications and we knew each other inside out so my brain always had a rest in his company. Most people are rarely who they seem, always appear to have an agenda and it zaps energy trying to work them out.
I’m getting better being on my own but don’t get me wrong I still have my moments when I am consumed with sadness that I’m so alone, with me it’s a restless, searching feeling but not knowing what I need or want, a G&T usually sorts it lol xx
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Yeh i agree - realising that now to take things as they come ! Its a funny old life and i cant work people out either ! Im a take it or leave it type of person too with no hidden agendas so its hard to understand complicated people isnt it !! Xx
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It’s so lonely and overwhelming, exhausting. Keep breathing, keep going. Sending you hugs xx
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I know what you mean , my wife and I could just sit in silence comfortably, no need to try and fill the silence just happy in each others company with no pretences.
We trusted each other and knew we had each others best interests at heart , had each others backs . That only really comes from being with someone for a long time and I really don’t see myself being bothered to go through all the getting to know you phase of a new relationship at any time in the future .
To quote an old 80’s song , “if I can’t have you ( my wife ) I don’t want nobody baby “.
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My husband was the same, no agendas, no complications, so very laid back.
As you also say about your husband, my husband was easy to be with.
Rose x
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