My husband passed away suddenly just over 2 months ago and I’m finding it hard to cope with everything alongside the pain of losing him. I have primary aged children who are on school holidays and today I have just left them to play on their electronic devices for most of the day while I sat in my room trying to complete my university work. However I couldn’t even do that and instead spend virtually the whole day scrolling sites and achieving absolutely nothing. I just can’t seem to motivate myself to do anything since it happened and feel like I’m drifting through the days with little purpose. I’m on the waiting list for nhs counselling, I wake up every morning with a horrible depressed feeling and have done since it happened. I’m worried about failing my degree and failing my children. Thanks for listening, I don’t have many people irl that I can talk to
You can always post here. We listen, we understand. It’s nine weeks for me. I can’t even write a shopping list with any degree of accuracy. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Feeding and caring for yourself and your children is enough of a challenge at this stage. Everything else can wait.
Xx
Thank you Willow, I’m glad I found this community as after the first few weeks people have gone back to their own lives and it feels quite lonely being on my own with the kids.
sorry for your loss all you can do is take one day at a time it is a hard and possibly a long journey but you will get their we all will
So sorry for your loss Chris 
that’s the difficult part isn’t it, the messages get less, people checking in isn’t as regular, everyone goes about Thier life, everything is the same for them, but everything has changed for us…I lost my Chris in may & the first few weeks were horrendous, I didn’t get out of bed for 10 days, I didn’t eat, I gave myself an eye infection from sobbing so much, I honestly didn’t want to be here, but one day I woke up and I had a bloody strong word with myself! It’s not the ones we lost that are suffering, whatever your beliefs, they have peace, it’s us left behind and the longer we hold onto that pain, the harder it is to let it go. It’s so so hard, I get that, but take solace in your young children, they need you, they don’t understand what’s happening, take 5 as often as you need to, go into another room, let it all out & then return to your children/studying. I’ve learnt that as devastating as it is, our lives must and will go on, it’s the only way we can learn to cope and rebuild
So very sorry.
I know it is the holidays but does the university have a counselling service or support department?
Sending a big hug
Rose xx
Hi Elrika ,i lost my husband 1 year ago and i can relate to absolutely everything you are saying ,i just wanted to curl up and die ,i still get up every morning and face the day ahead the best way i can ,some days are better than others ,i meet a lady once a week ,who has now become a lovely friend ,she lost her husband last September ,we also attend a bereavement cafe ,which is held once a month ,it really does give you comfort being around people who are on the same journey as ourselves .I still hsve some very dark days and am seeking some light at the end of a very dark tunnel sending hugs to you x
Good morning @Kitcat I’m so sorry for your loss too I think it really helps to talk to people that have been through the same thing, my friends are absolutely amazing, but they just can’t understand the turmoil and I wouldn’t wish it upon them. I’m not saying it’s any easier, but if you lose your love after they have lived a full and happy life, at a ripe old age, I think I would accept it easier in a way, but to be struck down at 48 when we had so much more living to do, it feels wrong and bloody unfair! I’ve made and broken endless plans since Chris passed, I’m just not ready to be surrounded by happy people/couples and come home to a house without him in it. But that said, I will carry on, we all will in whatever way we can. Much
My heart goes out to you it really does ,you are absolutely right 48 is no age at all ,life is so bloody cruel ,Alan my husband was 73 and my second husband of 23years ,but we had so many plans things we wanted to enjoy when i retired,but sadly Alan passed last June 10 months before i was due to retire ,so now i have retired and hes not here for me to share it with x
Oh @Chris1814 I am so sorry for your loss and your situation where you feel so alone.
I lost my husband unexpectedly almost 5 months ago and I have 4 kids who are older but 2 in their teens and at home.
I also drift through each day with no motivation and struggle to manage to get things done which I never even thought about before. I used to work 4 days in a stressful but enjoyable job, manage the house, play sports, be busy with life and now I do very little.
I also see my kids spending too much time on games / devices but also see that I am doing the same scrolling through endless rubbish or searching for an answer that no-one can give.
I’m trying to accept that I am just where I am at the moment and that is ok. I haven’t gone back to work and don’t know if I will, but I need to find some sort of purpose as I feel I am drowning in grief, sadness and anxiety most of the time.
I still haven’t managed to get my dog out for a walk yet today and need to get moving - my kids are still in bed but at least that gives them some respite from their sadness.
You sound like you have a lot on your plate at the moment.
Can you get some extra time for completing Uni work - or maybe take a break ? My kids at uni were offered counselling though their Uni - that might be quicker to access but won’t fix your sadness.
Are there people around you who can support you - either practically or emotionally ? Lean on them if you can.
You need time to grieve and I know that is hard when you have kids at home and never seem to get any time alone.
Just do what you need to do and keep posting here - always lots of support and advice available.
Sending some love and strength xxx
Oh Chris my heart goes out to you ,it is very early days for you ,i am 12 months in ,i wont pretend that i am feeling anywhere near myself ,dont know if i ever will ,but one day at a time love is all you can do ,looking after your chidren is a challenge in itself so please dont beat yourself up ,if its any consolation to you ,i have just completed a six months course of bereavement councilling which has helped me tremendously,also i go to a bereavement cafe once a month ,which is actually this afternoon, i live in South Yorkshire and the cafe is held at our local Hospice ,it is open to everyone, my love goes out to you all x
@Kitcat my Chris used to say that the only think guaranteed in life, is death, I don’t know how he was so at peace with the idea that one day he/or I would not be here anymore…he always told me that I had to accept it would happen one day & that after a terrible first marriage, he was preparing to marry me and finally be happy until his time came 
in a silly way I do find comfort in his strength, although I’m pretty sure he didn’t expect it to happen at his age! His funeral was a celebration, not a day of mourning, everyone wore Hawaiian shirts and bright colours, he had a motorbike escort blasting out music, and his final song was monty python “always look on the bright side of life” I gave him the send off I knew he would have wanted
God bless you what a send off ,we all wore ferrari shirts at Alans funeral and he had many years being a dj ,he compiled his own play list for his wake and made me promise it would be played x
That’s lovely @Kitcat, I kinda feel like they would have appreciated what we did for them on their final journey
I am so sorry you are going through this. I have felt quite isolated over the past few weeks since the funeral. I’ve called the Samaritans a few times and found it to be really helpful. They are always there 24 hrs to listen and it’s not only for people with suicidal thoughts, you can call for any reason. Their number is 116 123. You could even ring them regularly if you find it helps. And of course this community is very kind and supportive. It’s really hard just getting through the days, it sound like you’re doing the best you can.
Thank you all for your messages, there’s some really helpful advice from you all. My husband passed two weeks before my final university assignment deadline so they let me postpone submission until mid September but I’m just really struggling to get going on it again but I don’t want to give up, my husband was my biggest advocate to get this degree and supported me so much over the years. I also need the qualification more now in order to increase my earning power as my husband was the main financial provider and I only earn just above nmw in my current job. It just all seems too much at the moment grief, work, kids, study and dealing with the estate. Coroner’s investigations are still ongoing so I haven’t been able to register the death or start probate yet. I felt a bit better reading your replies though and hearing how others were feeling the same. My husband was only 46 and not unwell, it’s so unfair
My Chris was 48, it was a sudden death I had to wait 4 weeks for the autopsy, it was horrible, being in limbo as well as mourning him…he too was the main earner so that’s another struggle, trying to survive on one wage seems impossible! You mustn’t give up @Chris1814 like you said, he was your biggest support, do it for him and you it’s all so overwhelming isn’t it, trying to be practical while grieving, I really hope you can find your way xx