My husband died after a very short illness nearly 4 weeks ago. He was in partnership with his elderly mother in agriculture who has left all the sorting out of bank accounts, solicitors, accountants etc to me. I’ve had to deal with firearms, pensions, insurances as well. Our children are trying to keep the business going but not working together - there’s a bit of angst! Ive gone back to work part time. And i feel I’m drowning. My parents are both dead and neither of us had siblings. I feel so alone - thank god for my dogs. I have no option to keep going but I’m not sure i can cope really. Tonight, i totally folded- & my daughter suggested finding a support group which may help. Since he died, ive been sleeping on the floor in front of the fire- i cant face sleeping in our bed.
Will it get easier? How do i move on?
You have so, so much on your plate!! It is a miracle you haven’t collapsed. There is so much added responsibility on your shoulders at a time when you can least cope and it is so overwhelming! We get it. The first 4 weeks are madness. It will calm down at around 6 weeks as these things get done. You’ll make it.
My goodness. Sleeping on the floor. You can’t be getting restful sleep. I understand the whole ‘not wanting to get in the bed alone’ thing, but you are alive and in trauma and your body and mind deserve restful sleep. Take better care of yourself, go to bed. Without rest, you will get sick and sleeping on the floor is just painful. It’s bad enough we are all exhausted and feel beat-up and none of us are sleeping more than 5 hours, the least we can do is give ourselves a comfy spot to sleep in. Get new bedding so the bed isn’t the same.
You take each day hour by hour. That is how you move forward. You make “to-do” lists and you do them. Five things a day.
Tell the kids to behave and knock off the angst. No one needs that, we are full, thank you.
Much love.