Any tips on how to deal with feeling let down? Whilst we deal with a sudden bereavement I am also wrangling with other feelings that feel so big today. I feel let down by close family members (not connected to our bereavement) and am even embarrassed by their lack of response to our sudden loss.
I know I’m not responsible for them but I am struggling with their lack of support and empathy.
For what it’s worth, I am reaching the conclusion that some people just don’t get a great loss - perhaps because it’s not happened to them yet. There are also some people who simply don’t know how to express themselves and who want to help but don’t know how. Some of that group are able to express themselves through action. I have one good friend of my mother’s who can’t really articulate any emotion, but is there for me if I need a lift in the car anywhere at any time. He expresses his grief and regret through practical action. Weirdly, also there appear to be different local conventions. My mother died in the country and not in town and it has become clear that the convention in the small rural village is not to visit or talk to the bereaved but to respect their privacy. I found this out when a good neighbour apologised profusely for having to talk to me because they needed to discuss unlocking the church for the funeral. It was quite clear that the convention in the village was to leave the bereaved person alone. All of that said, there is one person who didn’t come to her funeral for no obvious reason and I’m not sure I will ever quite get over that with them. Their sister came bless her and was clearly embarrassed that she alone came, but I was very grateful to see her.
For those members of your close circle that appear unaffected it might be worth seeing what happens if you ask for their help on some practical task. They might surprise you. If they don’t, then I would simply mentally file them under they don’t get it and move on because if they don’t, they just don’t and nothing will change that and that is their loss and they will have to live with their decisions. Hope some part of this is useful.
To be honest I would not asked them for practical help. Even in more usual circumstances they would inform me how they are changing plans to accommodate me. I don’t have the energy now.
I’m sure it’s not from a place of maliciousness or uncaring. I guess it’s coming to terms with that.
Thank you for responding, it’s helped lots