Hi there,
I didn’t know where to turn as I feel like no one I know understands how I’m feeling. I’m 36 and lost my mum in 2016 and my dad in 2020. I was very close to both of them and I feel that now life is returning to some sense of normality, I can feel the huge hole in my life. I have 2 brothers but one lives in Australia and the other is so busy I only see him from time to time. I’m not in regular contact with any of my other family-I have lots who live locally but we are not close at all and never see each other.
I just feel like I don’t belong any where and I have no family unit where I belong. I am married (no children) but I’m feeling so low and lost and I don’t know anyone in a similar situation. I don’t really discuss how I’m feeling with friends, I just try and get on with it but finding it increasingly difficult. It feels like it’s getting harder rather than easier.
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Dear Victoria85,
I think that most people on here who have lost both parents can relate to the feelings you are expressing. My dad died in 2017, my mum in 2018 and my siblings and I realised that life woud never be the same again. The home of our parents was always the central place where we could all be together. No matter what age you are, I think that when you are at your parents’s home you will always be a child, and that feeling was forever gone.
Maybe as time goes on, your brothers will have a desire for a closer relationship. It think it is quite different when like me you also have sisters. Even though my sisters and I live in different countries, we stay in touch and know we will always be there for each other. In that sense, I still feel part of our family. What about your sisters-in-law? Are you close to them? And what about your husband’s family? Do you feel part of their family unit?
Some time ago there were lots of posts of here from people who had lost both parents. The topic was called ‘Adult Orphans’. I had never heard that term before, but I thinks it is a good description. You may find it helpful to read through some of the posts. There is also a recommendation from someone for a book: https://community.sueryder.org/t/adult-orphan/3662
It is good that you have come back to this site. Don’t struggle on your own, there are always people on here who will listen and reply. xx Jo
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Thanks so much for your messages. I’m still struggling and whilst I don’t wish this on anyone, it’s been helpful to come on here and know that I’m not alone. I can’t fill the hole in my life up where my family was but I hope that this feeling doesn’t last forever.
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