Sometimes I don’t so much feel alone but alone with my feelings. I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone. I have/had a good friend of many years but when I took a chance and was brave enough to expres how I was feeling over something she said, I am now being ignored. I ran the situation past another friend and she said she would have reacted the same way as my friend…talk about reinforcing the feeling of having done something wrong. I know I haven’t done anything wrong but why is it that people run away as soon as you are brave enough to be honest about how you are feeling? I know we all have our own agenda and I need to understand etc etc. My sister was the only person who was definitely there for me. Sometimes she would gently tell me I was being needy but she did it with so much care. And I miss that. I just miss her and feel like I could have been more understanding towards her over some things she shared that were important to her. I will always regret that. But I don’t get why when you know a friend is struggling you just don’t get in touch? I will have to accept it I know. Maybe I am annoying! I know I am sad. Has grief made anyone else question and doubt themselves and been made to fee like they are the one who is crazy? Thanks for letting me write this. It does help.
Hi @Viv5,
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support/share their thoughts, but I just wanted to say thank you for so bravely sharing this with us. Keep reaching out,
Alex
Hi VIv
I don’t think anyone who hasn’t experienced this loss can understand it. It’s so difficult to cope with. Your two friends have obviously left you feeling let down and unable to share your true feelings.
Try telling us on here. We are all in the same boat so know there is no right or wrong way to grieve,
Thank you.
My friend is someone I have known for over 50 years. We often share stuff and I have always shared poems I write. She often lets me know what might improve the writng and I trust her judgement as I often agree.
This time though she was very quick to offer a change and I was a bit hurt as I guess I was feeling a bit sensitive (not sure why) so I asked her if I could say something and she knew straightaway that I was hurt.
I did change the bit she suggeted I change and when I sent the new draft to her she simply didn’t reply, said she hadn’t realised I was in a rush and then has gone on to say I am being very sensitive and think the world is trying to hurt me.
When I write this it all feels rather ‘trivial’. What has happened now is that she has said I behaved in a way that she felt threatened and blackmailed when all I did was say I felt hurt and then expressed more hurt when she silenced me. It feels so kindergarten when I write it out !
But I struggle with silence and it has been made worse by the fact I don’t have my sister to run is past. Then another friend said I was too burdened and she would probably not have responded either. I don’t really understand and if any of my friends were in a difficult place I would connect and ask what they need, not cut them off. When things like this happen it makes me miss my sister more. Maybe they are right to some extent. Maybe I need to not make things so personal but telling me to change a line of my poem is personal. Every day things get muddled up in grief sometimes I think and I am taking care. I am swimming again and trying to do things I enjoy. I am not blaming them because grief does make things more complicated. I guess I am feeling the loss of what I thought were more connecting friendships than they are in reality and that is compounded by the loss of my sister. Life just feels like it has a lot of loss in it at the moment. Equally though I have things to be grateful for. I am trying to balance that with my feelings of loss. Thank you for listening and helping me put things into perspective x x
As a follow up I had a surprise last night as my friend contacted me. I know things feel exagerated which doesn’t invalidate how we feel. Just want to reiterate a thank you for this forum as a place I could work things out a bit.
Im so sorry , you are feeling so alone .
I share your feelings, and no it isnt you .
Unfortunately , some people struggle with compassion and may feel the need to correct feelings or thoughts that doesn’t tie in with their perceptions.
Grief is a lonely road , without support My mum died age 41 when i was 21 , now my sister has just died from the same cancer as mum .
She died in January 2024 age 59 .
I go weeks without my friends contacting me , i dont understand it , but im having to accept it .
Keep posting , because this is your grief family and we all know the road we are on .
Thank you for your message. You sound like you have had a tough time. Sending love to you too x
Hi @Viv5 ,
Sadly people often don’t understand things they themselves haven’t been through, it’s not you, you’ve done nothing wrong. I wrote a poem for my mom after she passed, so I can understand the emotional connection, writing is a form of expression in its truest form, it comes from the heart. Just remember, your friend probably didn’t mean to upset you, but as someone who is grieving, your entitled to your feelings, & by extension how you choose to express them. Your friend is entitled to their options, but it’s up to you how you choose to take that information, if you feel what you’ve written is fine, then you don’t need to change anything. I’m glad you’re friend got in touch with you, & hope it all works out. Sending hugs of support.
Hi @Mary64,
Your right, grief is a lonely place, I’m heartbroken to hear about your mom & sister, they were both so young. My mom was 64 when she died of a brain tumour, 
it’s just too young… There are no words. My heart goes out to you at such a sad time.