Feeling so empty and lonely

I lost my partner 6 weeks ago I feel I can no longer cope
Iv cried everyday since his sudden passing
I try to talk to family and friends but they never know what to say
It is so hard will i ever feel normal again?
I’m 36 years old and feel like my life is over
I will never get over losing the love of my life
We were together for 20 years he was always there for me and comforted me when I was sad
People often say he is watching over you but how do we really know?

Hello LinseyMark, first I’m very sorry for your loss, it’s the worst thing a person can go through. It is completely natural and understandable that you are crying every day and feel unable to cope. It’s hard for family and friends because unless they have experienced loss they won’t know how you feel or what they can do to help, so you need to tell them. If you want company just to sit quietly with, or to talk, or someone to share a meal with then say so, but if you want some space, say so too.

Bereavement brings profound changes to the people it touches and I doubt you will ever feel as you did before your loss. As you say you will never get over it. But as you are so young you do have time to come to terms with what has happened and to build a new you and a new life for yourself. For now though don’t think too far ahead, and make sure you look after yourself. Eat a healthy diet, rest or sleep when you need to and be kind to yourself. Crying is ok, as is seeking help from friends family your gp and places like this.

I don’t think there is any way of knowing for certain if he is watching over you. Different people believe different things, but if you feel his presence and sense he is with you sometimes, then you just have to trust in your own intuition. No one can tell you otherwise.

I hope others here will pick up on your post and will offer their support and advice, and in the meantime please do take care of yourself.

Neil. That is really good advice. You make a good point about grief changing people, I think many people underestimate this.
You recommended a website to me a while ago called Merry Widow. It was helpful so I thought I’d return the favour and recommend:
It’s filled with lots of wonderful articles if you are a reader and you are not already aware of it.
Regards to you both.

Thankyou neil for replying
It is so hard at the minute
I went out Saturday night with friends (the first time since Mark’s passing) and It was terrible all I did was cry and think about mark
Iv spoke to my gp but they just say I need time to heal I don’t think I ever will heal
I’m thinking of trying counselling but not too sure what will happen or how it will go

Dear LinseyMark, it is hard, everyone on this site knows how hard it is. It feels like you have been robbed of your future, and that you have lost a part of yourself. There’s nothing wrong with crying, it is completely normal and releases tension. Spending time thinking about Mark is also perfectly normal.

Gps don’t all have bereavement expertise, time will certainly help, but I think you are right, it won’t heal as such. It’s more about learning to adjust, accept, and cope.

I haven’t tried counselling myself, but there are members on this site who have. Some say it helps, some say it doesn’t. All you can do is try it. But I do go to a Cruse Bereavement group that meets monthly and that has helped a bit. Cruse also offer free counselling, and have a helpline 0808 808 1677.

Don’t expect too much too soon, focus on getting through each day, be prepared for days when you seem to go backwards, and gradually it won’t feel quite so bad all the time.

I read your posts and my heart went out to you I understand exacly as I lost my husband in February 2016 and it’s so painful indeed painful for all our losses how can we continue on with our lives when their is such a profound sense of longing for them that can never be fulfilled when we feel so adrift with uncertainty? Counselling isn’t a magic bullet but allows you to share your feelings which at this stage you need to do I have moved on from one to one into a group and sometimes we even laugh which I did not think possible in the early stages. I still don’t go out much but every so often I force myself to do something different avoiding the things and places my husband and I did. Last week I drank alcohol big mistake it heightened my feelings ten fold and made me feel even worse so lesson learned I’m not ready so I will explore other avenues as when I feel able to do this is a long and painful journey for each of us and I urge you to embrace your feelings as until they are addressed they will paralyse you grief cannot be ignored you cannot escape it and it is a tribute to the love you feel for Mark I know it’s no consulation but some people never have love in there lives we were lucky in that respect. I think it’s so early for you at the moment so it’s so raw and hope you find the inner strength needed for this horrendous journey. xx

Dear LynseyMark so so sorry for you the shock of sudden death is the worst thing to happen in your life I know. The emptiness is overwhelming and even when we have company and support of others we are still in pain. Neil your conversations are so helpful, thank you. Tina and Aquarias too. Lynsey I’ve been using this site for just a few weeks now even tho’ my lovely husband was taken last August. It has helped me feel less alone even though we don’t know each other what I read tells me how you all feel and it is very like my own. I read something today which kind of said we shouldn’t live our life as if we’re rowing a boat i.e. looking back at where we’ve been. Yes I spend loads of time with my memories and always will that I was so lucky (and you all too) I’m grateful for. Trying to see where I’m going tho’ and taking him and my love with me. I’m going to try to meet with a group hoping that may help. Best wishes to you all and I hope to hear what you are doing to help live with this.xxx

Thankyou everyone who has replied
I got a visit from my H R rep from work yesterday who has offered to get me counselling so I took her up on it just waiting now for an appointment I’m still very raw and feel completely guilty of all the things I did or didn’t do and if I’d done things differently my love would still very here so I feel I need to talk to someone
I feel like the emptiness and loneliness is taking over me and I constantly cry for my mark it’s so hard not to I miss him so much

Less than 3 weeks ago, I lost my lovely wife after nearly 41 happy years of marriage. Like you, LynseyMark, I am feeling devastated, empty and alone. I too am anxious about the future and if I will ever enjoy anything ever again. But I am trying to get all the help I can. A local bereavement networking group is helping (they meet once a month) and I am trying bereavement counselling through the hospice where my wife passed away. ‘Cruse Bereavement Care’, offer help and may be worth a try.
They tell me things will get better, in time. I wish time were now, for all of us in this situation.

Good evening, everyone, Raypierre, I’m so sorry for your loss - to be sure it is the worst that can happen and has happened to all of us here. We can only try to manage and in time get used to this … my friends advise I change things bit by bit and slowly introducing new or different things into my life the biggest problem with that is that I basically didn’t want anything else other than I had, you too I think. Take time 41 years is a very long time. All that time with your wife has made you who you are and she is a big, big part of you still and will always be.

My very best wishes to everyone, keep chatting we need to help and support each other and these conversations have made me feel less alone and maybe quite normal, whatever that is! xxx

1 Like