My husband of 46 years died last year, October 2020. Ive been coping really well, lots of support from family and friends, but this week im really feeling down, crying etc. Im sleeping OK, eating well etc but I just want to curl up in a ball. then I feel bad about not doing housework etc, I just cant get going with anything.
Hello BMJ, 46 years is a long time but pleased that you have been so brave over the past months. We all think we should be ‘over it’ until it hits us and then we realise that special person is part of us and they will always be there. Sometimes it’s just curling up and not being brave. We all have days like that so please don’t think that it’s abnormal. It’s lovely to read that your family have been very supportive, it’s a big thing to have and they are there for you. What work you don’t do today will still be there tomorrow or even next week, at present it’s what you need, so don’t be hard on yourself. If you you can get out and go for a walk is good and it works for me. Take care S xxx
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Hi BMJ. Susie is right. Don’t feel obligated to do housework. If you’re not up to it leave it for another day. You have every right to cry and curl up into a ball. I lost my husband October of 2020 also after 40 wonderful years. It’s been a nightmare. I manage to get through the day but sometimes I just want to die. I miss him so much. You’re not alone.
Barbara
Thankyou for replying, I know deep down I’m OK, but its just really hard some days
Thanks for replying, one minute I’m fine and positive and then couldnt stop crying. I watched Last Night of the Proms which we always watched together, singing loudly but I couldn’t sing, and there was only me, it just overwhelmed me. We knew he was dying, and I nursed him, but this is worse despite knowing that he’s not suffering anymore.
Hey bmj,
I would say dont feel bad for not doing any housework. Your doing what u need to do, even if its curling into a ball. I would say anything you want to do must help in someway.
I find sometimes i just dont wanna do anything, somtimes i get stuck just watching disney plus and then feel bad for doing nothing but i know its probably what i needed to do at that time.
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Thanks, I have a long ‘to do,’ list but NO inclination. I’m normally OK, but this week it’s just got to me. He died on 21 Oct so I know that date is getting nearer.
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My husband died on October 23, so we’re in the same boat. We’ll get through it.
How old was he,? Barry was 80 but I’m 68
He had just celebrated his 80th in May. I’m 75.
BJM
I know how you are feeling. I lost my wonderful wife of 48 years 6 months ago and l feel totally lost and the last 24 hours have probably been the worst so far. It just keeps hitting me that that l will never see her lovely face or hear her voice again. It is tearing me apart and l can see no way forward. I like you just have no motivation and things are just not getting done, which like you makes me feel guilty, because she always kept things lovely.
I have no family living close to me although they have been very kind and supportive. We had no need for many friends and just enjoyed each other’s company and our family, now it all seems so sad and l just cannot stop crying. I am not a weak man by any means but this pain is real and is the worst thing l have ever faced in my life, l just want her back beside me.
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I dont often cry around anyone and if I’m not crying, I’m numb but my chest hurts from this broken heart. If you cry doesn’t mean you’re weak, you loved beyond measure and you’re grieving, that is a strength, I dont think it hurts any less as time goes on I just think we learn to live with it better. I never imagined this was how I would be , I never imagined this pain.its worse than dying. Part of us has died. Talking to the lovely people on here help, because they understand xx
I really feel for you both. I don’t have’local’ friends and family either, we had each other, we didn’t socialise all that much as Barry became sicker, then the vulnerability of covid. I knew it was coming, and I feel like I was grieving even before he died. I felt I was doing well, done a couple of trips to visit relatives and friends but this has knocked me for six .I don’t know what to do going forward.
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Keep talking to people on here that understand, it could hit you today, in a years time in a few weeks, whenever, the pain doesn’t leave. I dont know what to do either. I want to stay asleep and not wake. I keep busy doing things around the house, but then I just stop and daydream, I’m like a zombie. But it has helped being on here, knowing others feel the exact same. So share it all xx
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Thank you all for your support, I can’t imagine how many people in the UK must feel this way…especially with Covid
I really hate having to put widow on a form instead of married…46 years is a long time!
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My husbands birthday today. First one without him. I miss him so very much. Hate my life without him. Life will never be the same for me. Xx
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