FEELING SO LOW

My husband and I came to Spain to live if we had not he would have had his Colon Cancer diagnosed sooner . It was stage 4 when diagnosed it was too late .He had very long strong Chemo 3 times [ 5 hours length] with 2 days infusion . but died 4 months after his diagnosis in September 2015. He had suffered greatly . I am feeling so low We had thought we would grow old together … I still live in Spain . My son thinks I should stay here as I have many friends here . my son and Daughter and grandchildren are in the UK. House prices here in Spain are now much lower than in UK . I do not know if I would have enough money to buy in Uk now in the area where my family are . I miss my Husband so much and I do feel at the moment that I have no reason to be here any more . The pain is so hard to cope with . i have tried to keep myself busy . I go out with friends but then my husband is not there only an empty space . I still love him so much . I want him back fit and healthy so we can be happy together again .Will these feelings get any better . or easier to cope with .

Hi Janice,
I just wanted to reply to let you know you are not alone, my husband only died on Dec 15th, 6 days after his cancer was diagnosed, and everything is so raw for me at the moment, I am really struggling but I know that time will eventually make it more bearable, if you have a good circle of friends who are helping you and being supportive I would stay in Spain, if you came back to the UK apart from your son and his family you would need to make new friends etc which is really hard thing to do.

HI janice,
Sorry for your loss.This is the first time I have posted since losing my husband to colon cancer on the 10th December 2016.He was 68 and suffered for 3.5 years having two major operations and 18 sessions of chemotherapy. At one time we thought we had beaten it but it came back 6 months later. Although I miss him terribly he was my soulmate married for 42 years, the house seems empty without him, I know life must go on. I am very close to my son, daughter and grandchildren and that helps me a lot. It sounds to me you were happy living in Spain, so you have lots of happy memories you can hold onto, you have also made very good friends who help you a lot at this difficult time. Would life be any better living in England with your family? Think carefully before making rash decisions. Are you close to your family, would you see them more often, would they be able to visit you as often as you would like, do you have friends at home etc. It might be nice if could go home and stay with your son for a while and see if being back home surrounded by your family is what you want to do.
Things should get easier as time goes by, and you will always have those happy memories to hold onto whether you decide to stay or come back home.

Dear Vee ,
thank you for your message. I had been thinking that if Peter’s Cancer had been found earlier he would have recovered but by your experience it seems not . I am so sorry for your loss . I am further down the Road than you . The pain never goes away but I suppose it gets a little easier to live with gradually . Like you Peter and I had a very happy marriage we were best friends We had our 46 th Anniversary 2 months before he died …I have been back to the UK several times but for 2 week visits which does not give me a true idea of what it would be like to live there again and as you say how often would I see my Family. You have made me think perhaps I should come back and rent for a short period to see if the grass is greener …
I have just joined a pensioners keep fit class run 2 x per week and do zumba 2 x per week . This makes me get up and go out and talking to people about normal things .
I have not got rid of any of Peter’s clothes or things as I feel if I did it would be like he had not been here . and I so want him back . He was also 68 . We had thought we would grow old together and were enjoying our time here in Spain . We are not on the coast . I live on campo 2 kms from a little town called Pinoso in Alicante province 40 mins from coast . . Our Spanish was improving [ we had lessons before we came ] but since Peter died I have not continued with my lessons …
I am out soon as I have become involved with arranging a Spring Ball with friends from the Royal British Legion . I was told to keep myself busy but I must say it is Sunday that I dread . It was always our special Day Peter used to cook in our outside wood oven which he loved doing .
Do look after yourself I am pleased that you have your family around you . As Peter and I chose to come here I do not have there closeness I realize now I do need to consider this .
Thank yo once again
Janice

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