I lost my soulmate, 16.08.24 very suddenly, one minute he said he felt sick next minute dropped dead of a heart attack, I had to do CPR on him for 45 minutes, before the ambulance could get there, but couldn’t bring him back. I think I am healing, the physical pain in my chest has got easier, but everyone has stopped asking, stopped talking, I feel there lives are moving on , but mines changed forever, I keep crying at anything and everything some days , I am very good at the face of a person moving forward with their life , but when I am at home on my own, my world feels like it has fallen apart, I don’t know who I am without him , we met when we were 15yrs and spent 40yrs together, he was 56 . , we were meant to grow old together,
I don’t know how to keep living, I know I am not suicidal, but would be happy if I didn’t wake up, because I’m not sure how to stop hurting, I miss him so so much,
I think Sue went ahead then,but officially a couple of hours later in the hospital. Your last paragraph sums up how I feel. I’m afraid everyone else moves on, we are just left behind on are own path. You don’t understand this pain until it happens to you. So please keep ranting if it helps.
My husband passed suddenly, today makes it 2 months ago. I did CPR while knowing he was a. Do Not Resuscitate. My son, who hates me, called police stating David was leaving me and I poisoned him. I was locked up for nearly 3 days, my house searched and the death certificate states “ cause of death pending investigation “. It was traumatic.
I know I was in some state of shock, I have panic attacks and severe anxiety. Mornings were rough, waking up with that sickening pain in my heart. I figured I must concentrate on getting all the financial and legal matters settled. David did all the financial stuff, I didn’t know his passwords etc. This was a nightmare but I concentrated on gaining control of my finances. This kept me from drowning in grief, I realized I needed to focus on preparing myself to live a different life. I keep a journal about my days. I have another book that I use to write letters to David. I vent to him, tell him my accomplishments, my anger etc., and I have a book in which I make to do lists. I know I will always miss him and love him but that terrible,painful grief is not as strong once I realized that David is not suffering anymore…. No pain, no worries, no sadness/ he is perfect. I also believe you must plan your future both long term and short term. Meeting your goals builds your strength making the next day a little better. I still find myself gasping with tears, I found adding screams helps. I don’t believe in coincidences so I hear and see signs from David. Then finally, I had to make a commitment regarding where I would be in the future. That last thing is making my day to day life better. For me, I have lived a tough life. Then David brought magic to my days. Those days were the once in a lifetime moment. I’m pushing for my final days, and finally be perfect and at peace.
