I know most people post their stories on here about how the loss of a loved one is hurting them so much. I know first hand how unbearable the heartbreak can feel sometimes and how hard it is to accept life without them. My beautiful wife died in September at the age of 46. She had an aggressive cancer and was at stage 4 when diagnosed 9 months earlier. Although the pain of losing her is agonising and horrendous beyond belief, it’s the feeling so sorry for her and what happened to her that hurts the most. Does anyone else feel that the worse part is not about how they feel for themselves but more how so sorry they feel for the person they’ve lost? Especially in circumstances where that person had so much to live for and loved life?
Hello @Mike7 ,
It’s such a relief when others put into words some of the feelings we’ve experienced or still are experiencing. When my husband died, I felt just that which you’ve mentioned. I remember feeling so very sorry for my man that he was now going to miss out on so much. He had only retired just over 2 months prior to his cardiac arrest and he had so many projects planned. He had been looking forward to retirement but it was ripped away from him. Life was never going to be long enough for David. The feeling of sadness for him was overwhelming. It has dissipated over time but is still there to an extent. Thank you for your post. x
@Mike7 you have expressed it perfectly. We never asked for much and enjoyed the simple things in life. And it just hurts so much every day that my lovely man is missing just that.X
I was feeling exactly that whilst driving home just now. It is the things they will miss which is why I think for me New Year has hit me really hard Take care and such a young age to be taken x
Oh Mike, absolutely, yes.
It’s almost 2 years on for me since I lost my darling husband and I struggle to deal with his suffering with kidney cancer and brain metastases. He had just turned 65.
He was such a kind, caring, happy, funny man, my best friend, my everything. He loved life.
It’s quite simply heartbreaking to deal with what he had to go through.
Yes, it definitely is the worst part to come to terms with.
So sorry for you losing your wife at such a young age.
I hope you eventually find some peace.
Yes totally feel like this, i feel sorry for my partner for not being able to see our 5 year old grow up, everything he will miss out on, our plans for the future all cruelly taken away, we lost my partner in feb and its still under investigation, he was only 36.
Sending you a hug and support xxx
Thankyou for your post.
It’s so easy to be “poor me” at times, but I like your twist on it.
Sorry for the loss of your wife at such a young age. My husband of 37 years died of a cardiac arrest in September 2021 aged 67. Since Alan died our daughter has got married and our middle son and his partner have had a son, our first grandchild. Alan would have loved giving our daughter away at her wedding and becoming a grandad but wasn’t to be. Thoughts are with you all x
Absolutely agree my dear husband died a year ago on the 20th of January initially my pain was all about me but now every good experience I have I am so sad that he can’t enjoy it he was an artist a painter and an acomplised pianist he had so much to live for and the world lost a good man I try so hard to live a positive life because he did t have that choice I feel cross with myself if I get sad thinking of you all on this unwanted journey
Agreeing with all these comments.
My husband was only 60, had decided to carry on being a driving instructor for a bit longer instead of retiring so never had the chance to have more time to do whatever he wanted. He was always working hard on the farmland as well so not much time off.
Our elder daughter is getting married in August and he would have been so proud walking her down the aisle. When they start a family that will be more pain that he will miss that. He was such a loving Dad, to miss having grandchildren will be so sad.
Exactly how I felt when my husband died suddenly. He was so looking forward to retirement and was making all sorts of plans for us but he died six months before he was 66. We had four grandchildren which we never thought would happen and he was the greatest grandad. To think our eldest one now plays football he would be so proud and I’m sorry that he’s missing all of this. It just seems so unfair he deserved to live so much longer than he did. I expect those of us that are left behind all feel the same about those we have loved and lost.
Big hug everyone’s
Yes! My lovely husband died suddenly 21 months ago. About 3 months ago I was meditating at my yoga class and suddenly I started crying because I connected with his pain in that moment. I had been suppressing it all this time. I knew he never wanted to leave me. We had such a connection…when he was undergoing treatment for a disease years earlier I felt everything he was feeling. We were literally part of each other. Don’t know if this information helps anyone but it was a very profound experience x
Yes I totally understand you feeling that way. I too felt like that for my mum, her illness and passing was all so sudden I felt so sorry for her losing everything so quickly like that! Losing everything she and my father had planned to do and everything else she had to look forward to. That hurts beyond belief sometimes X
I too feel such pain because my soulmate was 56 when he died of covid, he was ill for 3 weeks, the 3rd week on a ventilator, when in hospital with no family by his side, he text me saying he wanted to die as covid was a traumatic, horrendous and agonising way to die, this upsets me as he was so full of life, loved life, showed love to his family and was always joking around.
Its very hard in that he’s not here to see his first grandson, to see his son’s get married and he had so many plans fir his future.
Yes, I feel the same way too. My husband retired early due to my persuasion as we had just got into a position that we could move into the countryside following the death of my mother. We had been in Herefordshire for 15 months, had covid and recovered, so we thought. During those months we achieved many things that gave my husband so much pleasure, having a wood burning stove installed, buying solar panels, getting an electric car and so on. This was all part of out plan to live more eco friendly. We were getting into country life and my husband said often “this is the life”. The day he died, he’d been planning to go to the garden centre the next day to buy some tomato plants as he was a keen gardener and was bringing our acre of garden into shape. My husband was only 63 and there was so much more he wanted to do. I am thankful that at least he had 15 months here, but I am so sorry for him. I feel he was cheated dying when he did. We’d spent many years of our married life living in a city supporting our elderly parents and this was supposed to be our time to do what we wanted. I haven’t had good health for quite a while and was sure I would die first. There’s a song by Bread called ‘Everything I own’ that says what I feel, I would willingly swap places for him to have the time denied to him back. It can’t happen, but yes my sorrow over his dying too soon is overwhelming. Seven months on, I try very hard to remember that there were many good times in our new life here in the countryside and remind myself of how he loved having visitors so he could show them what a wonderful time we were having,. He talked about how he loved the house, the garden and especially telling people how our car was really solar powered as it was charged up by the solar panels! I try to feel grateful that we had 15 months of living the dream, though at times my sorrow over how his life was cut short still causes terrible pain. It’s seven months sine Charles died and I still haven’t got used to how my life has changed. The best I can do is keep reminding myself of how happy he was to finally move and live a country life. I can take comfort from that. May be in time the happy memories will help balance the sorrow I feel now. My best wishes to you, I hope you find comfort from your memories and that life will be less bleak in the future - a wish for us all x
Agree with you Mike, hurts to have seen what my wife went through, passes away with sepsis after being given 6months to live with. liver cancer. But what also hurts is what is what she is not here to see. Two grandkids growing up and another one due this month. Our sons first.
Mike, sorry you both had to go through this. I’m crying, even now. 18 months after losing my husband. He was so full of life, so much more to share and experience. I think I’ve had PTSD. I’ve had counselling but our experiences are our own. He was quite alert till the end. I watched him die, for six hours and the flashbacks for me now are unbearable. He died of a twisted bowel. What must have been going through his head at this time. I have started hatha yoga now, to calm my own brain. Occasionally, I’ll just start to cry anywhere, i just let the tears come and take deep breaths. You are not alone in your thoughts. Unfortunately we can’t forget or get over these thoughts. We have to find a way of living with them. Its not easy, its the biggest challenge of our lives. Keep writing, we all understand exactly how you are feeling. Each day you get through, you have successfully navigated another day. Please regard that as a good thing for yourself. Best wishes.