Feeling so vulnerable in a Sea of Sharks

So yesterday I struggled all day, from simple things like being unable to open a new jar top which was stubbornly refusing to unscrew. He would have done it for me in seconds. Then I had a fight with my dishwasher top rack which had come off its runners and would not budge. Again, he would have sorted that out in no time but although I managed to eventually sort it out, it left me feeling drained. My prescription glasses also decided to conveniently break yesterday and I don’t have a spare pair, so that’s another problem I have . These were minor struggles in the scheme of things but this was also the day I took on an even bigger struggle. After 7 months of putting it off, I finally decided I had to clear out all his medication. He was on so much medication and hated taking it to the point that I would get so angry with him as this was what was keeping him alive. So yesterday, armed with two black bin bags full of his medication and sad memories of the fights I had to get him to take it, I took them to one of the local pharmacies to hand it over. I had called my GP and asked what to do with it. There’s so much medication well within the expiry date, I felt bad just destroying it, especially when someone else could benefit from it. I was told by the GP surgery to take it to the pharmacy who would send it out to the hospitals or overseas. Yesterday the pharmacy didn’t want to know, said it would have to be destroyed. All those meds! What a waste! I was emotional enough sorting it out at home. I took it there in good faith thinking it would benefit someone and they couldn’t care less! I felt like screaming at them! Such a cruel world we live in. Perfectly good medication just destroyed! I’ve also got a dripping overflow pipe which two days ago a neighbour assured me he’d fix. ( I never asked him to do it. He offered). I saw him yesterday, he said “Hi” and went on his way as if he’d never offered to fix the pipe. Why make promises if you don’t intend to keep them? This morning my phone rang and it was a recorded message, one of those scam messages that sound threatening, and scared the life out of me. I’ve had several recently, and again, if he had been there, he would have reassured me and I would have been able to shrug it off. I know I’m overreacting but I feel so vulnerable being all alone. How do all these people sleep at night? Every day is a battle and It feels like drowning in a sea of sharks and you just have to keep treading the water to stay afloat.

Dear Sakinah

There is clearly an industry built up around the scams and targeting vulnerable people who are facing the biggest crisis of their lives. I had a Police Family Liaison Officer attached to us for the first 7 months after my husband’s crash and until the Inquest. I was targeted through Facebook, Text messaging and home phone. He told me that these organisations scan all types of media to identify the bereaved and then start the contact to see if they can catch us at our worst moment when they might catch us off-guard. Putting it politely just horrible people.

I can relate to your experience with the neighbour. I had several who said they would help me with the jobs in the house that my husband never got finished only for them to disappear without a trace and like yourself if I do see them they just give a wave and a smile. I have now had to start calling tradesmen and just hope that they do not ‘over price’ the job and take advantage.

I have never felt so vulnerable, alone and afraid as I do now since my husband died. I cannot see it getting any better for me personally.

Take care.

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My late partner, didn’t keep up with her medication, so much it was set out in packs taken daily at different times. Must of bean 20 a day. I found huge amounts of untaken tablets, hidden away. I was told once issued rhey could not be returned. With me it was a case of friends, relatives, saying we are there, if you need us call. They ain’t there now. In 15 months, I can count on one hand, the number of times I have received calls asking I how was. Guess I am saying, its down to us, the bereaved, to get through this, but stay on this site, many here who will give your their time, and there help. Take care.