I don’t know if feeling stuck is the right way to describe my feelings but I literally don’t know how else to explain it. It’s 16 weeks since I lost my husband and I’m so lost without him. We did everything together and had such a lovely life. I did Christmas and new year alone by choice and it was awful. I used to be so bubbly, confident and outgoing but now I’m a shell of the person that I was. I genuinely don’t know what to do with my life now? I do have work to occupy part of my day but then I’m just like a sloth on my sofa and can’t concentrate on anything I watch. What do you lovely people do?
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Helen, I am doing the same as you and wondering the same too. My husband died 2nd September and I drove myself to my son & family for Christmas (big achievement as I live in Malvern and they are in Liverpool). I even drove back up there
this week and back home again. I actually loved the journeys but since coming home on Wednesday I feel utterly empty. My question is, do we need to keep moving/busy as distraction or do we need to sit and think and feel sad? I am retired so have many hours to ponder.
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@Helen24
It’s 7 months for me and only over the past week have I been able to concentrate on anything I watch. Still not too much. Before then just mindless drivel that would just wash over me.
It seems to be a time thing. Just have to wait until brain and emotions are ready to re engage. Different fir everyone.
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@Helen24
You could just about have written that word for word on my behalf. It’s 16 weeks for me too. I find that hours can go by and I have just sat in a bit of a trance. I think of things to do but then don’t, I have no attention span and I keep doing really forgetful things. And it makes me wonder how on earth I’ll cope with returning to work and being under pressure.
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Hi @Mist2 it’s so hard isn’t it and so tiring and painful. I went back to work after being home alone for 10 weeks I thought it was the right time for me but still struggle and some days don’t even want to get out of bed. I make myself do a lot of things although little things for Steve’s sake, he’d hate me being like this. I lost my mum 2 years ago and he was amazing. He helped me through so much and now I’m totally alone.x
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I understand I will feel pain and sadness as I’ve lost quite a few family members in the past. I’ve never felt pain like this and I cry everyday. I feel like I put on a mask for work and then I’m back to the sofa and doing nothing with my life.x
@Helen24 I feel like just a hollow shell of what I was, I’ve lost half the person I was because when you’ve loved and lived with someone for so long your life is entwined with them. I have no motivation and yet I know that life has to carry on. So I think like so many of us I have a conflict between giving myself time and space to find my way forward, or giving myself a talking to and pushing myself a bit more. X
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I feel at 53 I have to push myself a bit more. I also know it’s very early days too. I know 100% Steve would hate me being like this. I just don’t what to do to fill this huge void in my life and just miss him so much.x
Same here. Hunter always tried to encourage me to have interests of my own but I didn’t feel the need, I was happy to share his interests. And now I wouldn’t know where to start. I live in a small town and I can’t find anything that would interest me. Things like archaeology which would appeal to me would mean travelling and wouldn’t be something I could do in the winter. And there are no bereavement support groups . I think the bottom line is that profound grief makes it really difficult to formulate any kind of plans because you don’t know how you’ll feel from one day to the next. X
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This mirrors my situation so much. Steve used to tell me so many times to go out but I wasn’t interested. I don’t have friends where I live as we moved away. I don’t drive and there are no support groups near me. I’ve started to get friendly with some people from work so hopefully I can start to do things with them. I just read a grief quote that said “ I feel lonely when I’m with people but feel less lonely when I’m alone, as I don’t have anyone to please”
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That’s a good quote. Again, we’re similar in that my colleagues have become good friends with one in particular who lives near me taking me under her wing and bringing me homemade food at times. We didn’t have a family and I didn’t have a circle of friends because my life revolved around Hunter and we did everything together… Even though I’m now floundering at 63 wondering how to make a different life for myself I still wouldn’t change the life we had together. X
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Thats so true i think.somtimes i feel more under pressure having to make conversation with people who dont understand what im going through that its less stressfull to be on my own but of course your always going to be lonley for that person you have lost xx
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Entirely up to you. You cant constantly be busy. I find it i do too much it makes me ratty as we are still carrying around this grief so i think its best to pace yourself xx
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Hi what you have written is exactly me.
I am now being pressured to go back to work goodness k ows how i am gping to cope with that , i have no interest and cant concentrate on anything i cant make a decision . I was very confident and happy to make decisions but now i cant even decide whay i need to buy.
I am lost without him 16 weeks in i loved my old life, dont know were to start trying to make a new one. I dont know were i fit anymore x
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I’m hoping that a counsellor can help, I also want to see a psychic to see if I can get some direction. I’m normally strong and independent but a massive part of me has gone with him. I think I know what he’d say and tell me to do but anxiety is stopping me doing so much at the moment. It’s really hard and I know it’s early days and I need to take baby steps which I’m getting constantly told. I think it’s also difficult that it’s winter.
I start counselling this week, so I’ll see how that goes. We’re starting to turn the corner towards spring, slowly, but the days will gradually draw out again.Mind you, that leaves me with another big dilemma. I will need to deal with the gardening, but I still can’t go in the back garden, not even look at it, because I found him there. So like you @Paupet I can’t make decisions about things like this and the one person who would have common sense about it isn’t here to ask. X
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I feel the same loved my old life, but feel guilty that I didn’t appreciate it enough. I miss my husband so much I just about cope. I feel like a totally different person I honestly don’t know what to do.
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It is so hard and we do have thoughts like that and think of the what it’s? I feel stupid saying some of the things like how do I live without him and I don’t know what to do next but that’s genuinely how I feel. I feel like a part of me died with him but I know he’d want me to try to find a way of moving on with my life. He was always so supportive of me and gave me strength but I’m lost without all of that.
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Im exactly the same. Last night in bed I realised that i had only done 1 thing all day and had just sat on the couch. I’m awake all night and tiered all day. My husband passed on 11th November and we did absolutely everything together. He was retired and I worked from home and the emptiness feels so lonely. I dont know how i am going to cope without him. Its just too sad.
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Hello……
I don’t know how to put any of what I’m feeling into words!!
My wonderful fiancé passed away so very suddenly on the 25th of October…
Shock just doesn’t convey how I feel, I’m like a lot of you, just staring into space, I’m not making decisions, I need help with the silliest of things, I’m 51 I have no children and hardly any family that live close by, all I want is to go to bed and not wake up, and then people say don’t talk like that your just passing your sadness on to others……
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