Feeling useless

Losing a parent
1

My mum died a year and a half ago when I was 8 weeks pregnant. She was my best friend. I’m an only child and still struggle every day with her loss. Some days are fine. Some days I just wish I could lock myself away. I have 2 beautiful healthy daughters and am the luckiest woman alive for this but it breaks my heart every day that my mum can’t enjoy them like she should be. I feel like such a bad mum coz some days I’m so down and I feel all I do is shout at them. I feel so alone. Some days j just wish I could be reunited with my mum. Nothing ever helps coz the only thing that would help would be having her back. The only coping mechanism is have is self harming. I don’t ever see this getting any easier.

2

Hi Mummyof2girls,

I’m so sorry to hear that your mum died. Losing her while you were pregnant must have been even more emotional for you. You are not a bad mum, you are doing your best to cope under very difficult circumstances, but it sounds as though it all feels overwhelming at the moment. Do you have a partner or any other family who can support you in looking after your daughters?

I’m concerned to hear that you’ve been self-harming and I think you could really do with some support. I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here - this Online Community is a safe and supportive place where there are lots of other people who understand what it is like to lose a parent.

You mention that you wish you could be reunited with your mum - have you been having any suicidal thoughts? There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

  • The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org).

  • Please make an appointment with your GP to tell them about the self-harming and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

  • Contact Self Injury Support on their telephone helpline, text message or email support.

  • Join the National Self Harm Network forum to get support from others who self-harm.

You deserve care and support so please get in touch with some of these services.

If there’s anything I can help with, or you have any questions about this Online Community, you can contact me on online.community@sueryder.org.

Take care,

Priscilla
Community Manager