Feeling useless

My mum died a year and a half ago when I was 8 weeks pregnant. She was my best friend. I’m an only child and still struggle every day with her loss. Some days are fine. Some days I just wish I could lock myself away. I have 2 beautiful healthy daughters and am the luckiest woman alive for this but it breaks my heart every day that my mum can’t enjoy them like she should be. I feel like such a bad mum coz some days I’m so down and I feel all I do is shout at them. I feel so alone. Some days j just wish I could be reunited with my mum. Nothing ever helps coz the only thing that would help would be having her back. The only coping mechanism is have is self harming. I don’t ever see this getting any easier.

Hi Mummyof2girls,

I’m so sorry to hear that your mum died. Losing her while you were pregnant must have been even more emotional for you. You are not a bad mum, you are doing your best to cope under very difficult circumstances, but it sounds as though it all feels overwhelming at the moment. Do you have a partner or any other family who can support you in looking after your daughters?

I’m concerned to hear that you’ve been self-harming and I think you could really do with some support. I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here - this Online Community is a safe and supportive place where there are lots of other people who understand what it is like to lose a parent.

You mention that you wish you could be reunited with your mum - have you been having any suicidal thoughts? There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

  • The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org).

  • Please make an appointment with your GP to tell them about the self-harming and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

  • Contact Self Injury Support on their telephone helpline, text message or email support.

  • Join the National Self Harm Network forum to get support from others who self-harm.

You deserve care and support so please get in touch with some of these services.

If there’s anything I can help with, or you have any questions about this Online Community, you can contact me on online.community@sueryder.org.

Take care,

Community Manager

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