Hello everyone,
I lost my father in November, he had stroke at home and died the next day in hospital. My dad was a very active 88-year-old, so it was very shocking and sudden.
I lived with my dad all of my life, with the exception of moving away to university. I now live in the house alone without him. I have found it hard to live here alone, especially with memories all around me of him.
I have a half-sister and a half-brother from my dad’s first marriage. I also have a full brother who is older than me. They all have a partner or spouse and have their own lives.
My half-sister and her husband have been supportive, especially with the will and I really appreciate that but they live a few hours away. My half-brother came to the funeral with his wife but didn’t contact me between my dad passing away and then. My brother is also an executor alongside me and my paternal uncle (who lives in Scotland and is too ill to get involved). My brother has not offered to help with the will, so effectively apart from the sporadic help from my half-sister and her husband, I have had to deal with it all myself. My brother has made no effort to check in with me since dad died and I feel that he doesn’t care that I feel lonely living in the house. He came over on Christmas Eve to swap presents and said he would come over to see me on Christmas Day or Boxing Day but he didn’t. His partner has always been a bit of an issue - they live opposite her parents and I think he sees her family as his new family now. He hasn’t said Happy New Year - I always say it first but I didn’t bother this year, because I am fed up of the effort being one-sided.
My neighbours have been great - they have checked in with me, taken me out, asked me over and helped tell people about the funeral which is really kind but I don’t want to rely on them too much.
I have two friends but they live in different areas. One has two young children and the other’s partner was sadly diagnosed with cancer and is having treatment so she has that on her plate.
My confidence is rock bottom - I have not been working for over a year now and really struggled to find a job. I find myself sitting at home not really doing much and not knowing what to do and eating bad food which doesn’t help my mood. This makes it worse as I sit and overthink. I do things like clean, go to the shops and look after my cat but not much else. I am 34 and just don’t find it easy to put myself out there and socialise. I am planning on getting the bathroom renovated soon by a plumber and that will be a project and keep me occupied. Before the day of my dad’s funeral I had a major pipe blockage in the bathroom. There were guests in the house and it made me really stressed, I felt like I was going to have a full-blown breakdown.
My mum left home when I was 17 and before dad died, and I hadn’t had contact with her until dad died since I was 19. She left my dad for someone else and I never had a good relationship with her. They didn’t divorce and she is entitled to 50% of the house. It is something else I feel like I don’t want to deal with right now.
So basically, most of my family have not been very supportive and I don’t have a partner or that one person who I can get emotional support from.
Sorry about the lengthy post. I just feel like I need to rant in a safe and supportive place.
Is there anyone else who lives alone now after the loss of a parent and what steps have you taken to help you cope?
