I am having trouble getting to grips with been so lonely and not having any friends or purpose in life ,
I have two small dogs and they give me a purpose to leave the house.
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Hello @Peta,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your partner. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
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Hello Peta,
I’m really sorry you’re feeling so lost and lonely. I can really sympathise with that. Suffering a huge bereavement has a way of making you feel quite isolated. Friends and family carry on with their busy lives, and we are often left to struggle on alone.
I’ve started to receive counselling through Cruse and I find that having someone to talk to once a week is very helpful.
I’d encourage you to join in the various conversations on this forum - I find it helps me feel connected and part of a community.
I’ve considered getting a dog myself, but think it’s probably too soon for me to make such a big decision.
Sending you my sympathy and best wishes,
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Peta, I am so sorry you are having such a lonely time. We all understand. We are all having to learn how to be alone. We are struggling to create a new life and it is scary and painful.
Just so you know, being here in the world is your purpose. It is enough.
There are things to do that will get you out of the house and meeting people. Classes at churches and libraries, town events, the same coffee shop at the same time. For instance, learn to play Mahjong and you will never be alone again.
I, as do others, keep as busy as possible and talk to myself and my dog all day. Our friends and family members’ lives have gone on as normal. Only ours turned upside down.
You are not the same person you were and will never be that person again. The life you knew is gone. We get it. Put we have trudged through and by taking baby steps have managed to survive come out of the dense fog of grief. It is still foggy after 11 months, but the street lights are on.
Only last night did I go out at night with friends for no special reason. Just to meet up. Two hours and I scrambled back home.
You will figure it out. Take your time. You have a life to live, live it well and remember - the worst has already happened, so stop worrying about the little stuff.
Pay the bills, eat nutritious food, walk the dogs.
Many of us started a purge of the excess in the house. It kept me very busy. Still purging.
You will survive this. I promise. You will learn to live with the loss and have a life too.
With big hugs.
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Lovely post by Peaches Dixon, sums it up perfectly. Look at the future as the next chapter in your life. Yes, keep busy, but not just trying to fill in your time to distract yourself, because the problem is still there when you stop.
Fill your new chapter with new things, those things you’ve always wanted to do but never got around to. I’ve never fancied Mahjong 
(music is my recommendation:wink:).
Eventually, you’ll look back and be proud and happy of what you’ve achieved. It needs a bit of bravery to take new steps, but you can do it. The first step I took was to make a date with my wife at the top of a hill I knew I’d found difficult to climb, but I did it and it felt like our first date 50 years ago.
But you never forget, it just gets easier and easier. Good luck.
Oh, and I couldn’t have done it without my own two dogs:grinning:
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@Peta ,having your two dogs is one very good reason to get you out of the house. I walk my dog at the same time every day and the other dog walkers I meet every day can be the only people I speak to sometimes. They have all experienced the embarrassing situation of having me burst into tears at some point in the last few months,yet none of them avoid me and are happy to chat. Some have been through what you and I are going through and fully understand,others steer the chat to everyday things. Your dogs are certainly your lifeline,they need you. Of course they don’t understand why you’re sad and I get a bit annoyed when I’m feeling low but my dog wants to play,but I make the effort. Having any kind of pet does mean we’re needed and still relied on,bear that in mind.
Unfortunately a Goldfish isn’t going to help with our utter loneliness and feeling of loss and being lost. I’ve been to a couple of bereavement cafe meetings,it’s not for me but it’s company for a couple of hours every fortnight with people who understand. I’m hoping the one to one councelling will help but I’m on the waiting list for that. I’d suggest giving something like that a go,we’ve got nothing to lose and fingers crossed it might help in some way. This is truly a nightmare journey we’ve found ourselves on with very few stops along the way apparently.
Good morning,
Please can I start by saying thank you so much for sending me a loverly message , I get most isolated on an evening nobody to talk to ,
I’ve tried the usual cruse and other recommendations but they are full or you have to pay for there service .
Good morning ,
I know my dogs are my lifeline at the moment
I know what you men about people sometimes they don’t know what to say I don’t think they like it because you are single also , which is very sad , I moved village and house to start a fresh but I wouldn’t recommend it .
Good morning, Peta,
It’s usually possible to put your name on the waiting list for Cruse counselling. I had to wait about two months for it to come through, so you should get onto it as soon as you can. Call this number for the Cruse Helpline: 0808 808 1677.
I also contacted my GP and had a conversation with a Social Prescriber - they should have a good handle on what’s available in your area. It’s important that you reach out at this time, and when you get to talk to someone, make sure you don’t hold back when describing how much you’re struggling. I think many of us are not pushy enough when it comes to this, and often tend to play it down. There is usually a waiting list for free counselling, so try not to delay.
I also find the evenings the worst time. It doesn’t help that all my previous interests and motivation seem to have deserted me. I hope that some general enthusiasm for life will gradually return, but for now it’s a huge struggle.
That’s a very kind message thank you , I’m going to see how this site will help me at the moment , I’m going to Haxby tomorrow as the cafes there have names and numbers of community groups
I thought it may help me to get out of the house .
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For your purpose in life is understanding and realisation that time is a great healer yes I no you have heard this lots of times but speaking for myself it’s getting me there. Just go window shopping, myself I sit in the town on the benches and watch people and you can learn a lot from watching. I want to go out and mingle again make new friends and se how it goes. I can only fail. Try and push yourself and think good thoughts. My blessings.
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Hello to you Peta. I also struggle with being alone and I just lost one of my little dogs who were my emotional support… I hope you can find something that will help you… the two little dogs getting you out is a good thing? What kind of little dogs are they? Mine were a black miniature Shih Tzu named Mysha who went to the Rainbow Bridge just over a month ago and her tiny 3.5 lb Tiny Bel who is so picky and prissy that she keeps me busy. Strength and Courage to you.
Good morning to you ,
I’m so sorry to hear you have lost one of your dogs it’s heart breaking 
one of mine is getting on now we were not sure when we got him how old he was as he was a rescue they are some kind of terriers , there my reason to get up on a morning .
I too am feeling very isolated. People have told me to get out and be busy but for example I’ve asked 3 friends this week to go out and each time they’ve made very poor excuses. I wish they were just honest and say they don’t want to go. It would be so, so much easier. I’m 7 weeks without my soulmate Paul and it’s utterly destroyed me. I am unbelievably low and I can’t believe how so called friends have reacted. I feel your pain and isolation. Wishing you a big hug xxx
Janie, it’s really shocking that your friends have treated you this way. Your better of without false friends as they are ten a penny. I’m similar to you but I have no friends where I am but I go out shopping and sometimes just to sit in the cafe with a coffee and a newspaper, I never used to do this and it’s enjoyable. My partner passed in March and truly was my soul mate of 19 beautiful years through good and bad we loved each other. I talk and get angry at her. Well I hope you find some inner peace. Blessings to you.
Hi Dave
I have actually thought of doing this. At least I’m with people. I have had one best friend who said she couldn’t come to the funeral as it reminded her too much of her mom’s funeral as it was at the same place, wow! Unbelievable.
I miss my Paul so very, very much. I’m just so heartbroken.
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Sending hugs and blessings.
I really do feel u n im so sorry for ur loss, i do remember my husband telling me before he passed that he would be waiting for me but right now its only be since 7-1 of this year, not sure just not sure about anything other then putting one foot in front of the other i know thats not saying much or a solution or fix but what else have we got except we were blessed with the love they gave us n companionship support n friendship. Thats all i hold onto right now.
Hi Peta ,
Animals are so wonderful giving us unconditional love and of course a reason to go out for walks .
Loneliness and a lack of purpose is difficult to deal with .
My wife passed away just over a year ago and I understand what you mean about the loneliness which for me is when I get home . I am retired now and have friends and family to see but in the end you come back to an empty house which is the hard bit xx
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I have no freinds not because just alot of death in my life most i dealt with but this my husband has broke me most 37lbs lost cant afford new clothes diony care
I can not bring myself to even go out in my yard or cook a meal
Does this pain ever end