Feeling worse after 3 months than I did at the beginning

My husband Jeff died in January and at first I thought I was coping. I had so much to do and being busy helped. I have stayed with my daughter and a friend and I have had a holiday. It was all hard but I coped but the last few weeks I have been terrible. I’ve had days of overwhelming pain, panic attacks, anger.
I think the reality of a life without Jeff has really hit me and I feel like I ache from the inside out.


Hello it’s a start when you reach out. My husband died in January and all the things you have to arrange & sort out take over then it’s only later on that the reality hits and yes it’s very scary, I’m ok for a while & then have that horrible sinking feeling like a dark pit I have to climb out of. I know it’s hard but I know that my husband didn’t suffer that long( only 3 weeks from diagnosis to his passing) and I must take comfort from that. Take care.

My husband drowned on holiday last October. He was 56, we were together for 38 years married for 32. At first I was in shock . Then about 12 days later I found out he had been having an affair. It was even more painful to me than his death. The anger and hurt overwhelmed me. I have had to do a lot of work to lose the anger . When the anger started to ease the grief became overwhelming. I don’t think I could mourn at first because I honesty felt I didn’t know him anymore. The funeral felt like a strangers funeral and I felt like an intruder, like he wouldn’t have wanted me there. An affair was so out of character for the man I thought he was. I had to find him again, before I could grieve. It was around the three month mark that the enormity of it all hit me hardest. I think numbness, disbelief and being busy sorting funerals and finances keep us from feeling it fully at first and people give the most support then. When everyone else returns to their own lives when the busy passes that reality hits. I read somewhere that after a funeral everyone goes home . For the spouse or partner you never get to go home because you no longer have one. I get that totally, I have a house but my home was my husband .

I’ve just got to that 3 month point. We only had 2 weeks from the time my husband got his confirmed diagnosis to the day he passed away. I’ve sorted the funeral, i have sorted most of his financial affairs etc. Its kept me busy.

Now I’m trying to puck up the threads if ny life (albeit without him) I’m just crying a lot, missing him and now I’m so angry at him for leaving me alone.

@Mandyjayne you are right in what you say about everyone goes home. They just get on with their lives, and we are left trying to figure what our life actually is now.


I relate @JBT, I’m four months in and feeling a lot of pain, anger and anxiety. It is overwhelming. Most days I struggle to get out of bed.

It’s good that you’re expressing that here, with other people who understand. That’s all we can do.

Sending hugs xx


Like you, I thought I was handling my wife’s passing very well. Then, after about six months, it all hit me all over again, and it felt ten times worse. My doctor said I was in shock and that’s why I hadn’t processed the pain yet.
I know he meant well but all I could think of was that it was easy for him to make his determination because he hadn’t lost a spouse.
This is a journey that can be not only hard but also very confusing. Although I feel for every person here, I also feel a little more normal now that I know that much of what happens in my new world has happened to others and maybe I’m not losing my mind after all. I always try to believe that there are better days ahead, even if I can’t see them yet.