Its just over 12 months since my Husband passed away. We were married for 44 years and his passing was sudden and totally unexpected. I was made redundant 2 months ago after 16 years Service and it just feels like everything has ended for me. I fill my days walking my dogs and trying very hard to keep busy then it stops me from thinking.
This Life feels so alien to me and i miss my Husband so very much.
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Hi Doggy so sorry for your loss and that you’ve found yourself here on this site; and lost your job on top of this. It 24 weeks for me and I’m partially retired, so understand how work does provide some distraction.
Please keep posting on here. Everyone is supportive and it’s a safe place to share your feelings.
The ‘aloneness’ is dreadful and I genuinely understand how you feel- we all do sadly.
Take care x
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I understand how you feel, I lost my Joan 18 months ago, she was my everything. I’ve just come back after having my vaccines which is a horrible experience for me, I hate needles, without her support it’s so much worse and I feel totally alone.
You have much more time on your hands now which is making it worse for you, I wish you all the best.
Best wishes.
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Thankyou. Really nice to connect with others in the same situation. x
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Hate needles too. I have had hypothyroidism for twenty five years so always have to have routine blood tests. Because I have been left in a challenging financial situation, I now go to the local clinic… that can take a full day of queueing plus they never believe me when I say I faint and my body hates it. Often there is swelling and bruising under the skin. I have to go again in two wks as my thyroid seems to be all over the place… hate going alone - don’t want to faint … But there is nobody to go with and people think I fuss for nothing. Just because it doesn’t happen to them - they don’t realise the reactions are real and not imagined. If I lived near you and not in South Africa (if only) I would have come with you!
@Doggy
I do think many of us have found that sometimes things can seem worse after year one.
Other people expect you to be ‘better,’ whatever that means to them.
The reality that this is our life now really seems to set in after our brains have rewired to not expect our loved one to be there. It can hit hard and there are so many reminders.
There are also still many ‘firsts’ deal with, despite what people who have not experienced this may think. There is the first trip away, the first time going to a theatre / cinema / meal out, meeting with someone you haven’t seen for ages. The list goes on.
I still haven’t read letters from my husband 2 1/2 years after losing him to that’ll be a first for me. Others I know haven’t been able to listen to music, look at photos or sort out clothes or drawers.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. This isn’t something we get over, just learn to live with in whatever way we can. I also find keeping busy helpful but it is still important to let the grief flow at times too. Sometimes I will purposefully put on a particular song I know will make me cry as I need the release of those tears. Other times they come unexpectedly.
Keep talking to others here who understand and can empathise.
Karen xxx
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Hi KarenF
I lost my wife 2 1/2 years ago after 47 years of life together, your message bought tears to my eyes, we were everything to each other we worked 24/7 together for 25 years, we didnt have friends we had each other, It just made it harder to cope, I am trying to get my life back i have met some friends through bereavement groups which i find very helpful
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Hi @RichAPK
Isn’t it odd how different time can feel. In some ways I can’t believe that 2 1/2 years have gone by yet in some ways it feels like a different time altogether.
Some of us from this forum started Zoom chats a long time ago and have found it invaluable to be able to talk to each other regularly about how we feel and react to things. Being in touch with others who understand makes such a difference.
To that end I am starting a new Zoom group to see if others find the same support from it. If you’d like to join in with one to see if it suits you please let me know. So far there are four others who have said they would like to join so far.
I’ll try to get on here more regularly if I can make the time. My husband’s death left me with a lot extra to do as well as the grief since he worked so hard to look after the farmland, home and garden.
Karen xxx
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Hi KarenF
Thanks for the reply, yes i would like to try Zoom, as you say its talking with other bereaved people its like a club that we never asked to join, sounds like you are a busy lady which is good, i work for myself as a picture framer so meet customers through that & being busy helps a lot gives you something to focus on, i dont know what i want but dont like feeling how i am
Rich x
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I THINK I would like to join the zoom even though I am so very far away.
I sadly can’t seem to find others around my age (55) here in South Africa that are alone… - everyone is MUCH MUCH older and at a different stage in life. I was once very busy but now without having employment… and having tried so much workwise that unfortunately failed - I am battling each day on my own. My longing is for people here (but as I say there really seem to be only folk at usual retirement age and I am so far from that, but am being forced into retirement when I really shouldn’t be! Anyway… I will watch for the zoom. Feel like I am on a different planet!
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