8 weeks today I lost my darling husband and the grief seems to be getting worse the more time goes on, I find weekends exceptionally hard as I don’t really see anyone, I just don’t want to feel like this for the rest of my life. I honestly don’t think my life will be some kind of normal ever again 
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It will but got to give it time. 8 weeks is early days and nothing seems possible at this stage.
Take a day at a time and focus on the now.
I’m 22 weeks in tomorrow and do have some good days mixed in with the rubbish ones.
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Thanks Ali
I’m feeling so much guilt as I was out of the country when he died in such awful circumstances, perhaps I could have saved him had I been there, I only spoke to him the day before and he was fine, so there are so many ifs and why’s I’m trying to deal with plus the fact I will never see him again
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@Steffers I do believe guilt is very much a part of grief. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but unfortunately death is unkind and leaves us all in such turmoil.
I think a lot of us in here have guilt, regrets, unanswered questions. It’s seems never ending. At some point we have to let it go or it will eat us up.
I hope you have some easier days soon.
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@Steffers As @Ali29 says it is very early days. I am 8 months in now from losing my wife. One thing I know is that the Ifs and Buts are a curse and there is nothing you can do now so they are best ignored or placed to one side. I am afraid the loneliness is very much in all of us, whether we have company or not. Rebuilding comes from within us and as Ali says we can still get the bad with the ok and that will be with us a while. But you sound like you have the wish to rebuild.
Purpose is important. I find that in my family, especially my new grandson, and I note you have quite a few grandchildren. One day at a time, small steps, and be kind to yourself and do everything at your own pace. You will be up and down. Like @Ali29 , I have found this site has really helped me as each of us here knows first hand the awful raw pain at first and nobody will judge if you post here those emotions you don’t want to put on your family. Love and support xxxx
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@Steffers I am so sorry for your loss. All that @Ali29 and @Mike75 have said, in that it is early days and it will still feel so raw. Guilt sits inside the grief process, we sometimes feel that maybe, just maybe, we could have done something that would have changed the outcome. But the probability is that we couldn’t have done anything to prevent it. Our grieving minds sometimes seem intent on punishing us further. I am 23 weeks on now, and there are better days, the all consuming rawness of grief has subsided, and I have hope for the future. You are amongst friends here, I have found such support and understanding. I hope you will find that too. Much love xx
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Thankyou @sandi for your words of encouragement, I’m sure things will get better as they say time is a great healer, I just feel that as the days progress I’m feeling more and more low, I think the realisation of it all is beginning to sink in, I do find this site very helpful and I’m amongst friends, sometimes in my darkest hour all I have is everyone on here going through the same emotions xx
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@Steffers yes sometimes once the numbness and shock have lessened, the realisation of what has happened and that they are no longer here sets in and you feel worse. I have days when this still happens, but I am beginning to accept that he is not coming back now. This is all going to hurt because it should, we loved them so. I was with my husband for 46 years and I know no other life. But onward we go, I have hope in my heart and I will get there, because that’s what he would have wanted I am sure your husband would want that for you too, We are here when you need us xxx
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