Wow not sure where this brick wall came from today but feel so alone, low and anxious - want to be alone but want to be with people. Have cancelled plans for tonight because I can’t bring myself to be with couples or people who are celebrating - which makes me feel like shit because it’s our daughter in laws birthday and I know Steve would have said just go and have a nice time! I have cried nearly all afternoon - all I want is someone to cuddle me but that doesn’t happen! I only have sons and they do not have the empathy at times but there are very few around me that truly understand. Not to mention the lack of contact from our “close friends” since Steve has passed: I think I could count on one or maybe both hands how often I have seen them in the last 17 months. Just feeling crap and didn’t know who to talk to. 
My dear @LouLou65 - you have friends here who understand completely. This is all so hard. I was supposed to go a Christmas lunch party last year and Carols on Christmas Eve but cancelled both because I just couldn’t stop thinking about Tom and how ill he was the year before. I spent much of the day in tears, too. We are all right with you, my friend. Hold on xx
@LouLou65
Not sure if it will help but maybe you’d like to join us on zoom tonight at 8.
Link removed
It’s my first attempt at setting this up so hope I’ve done it right.
If this link doesn’t work look for the thread about it and click on that link instead.
Sending the hugs you can’t get.
Karen xxx
Oh gosh i would have done this but only just seen it 
thank you - maybe next time? Xx
Hi @LouLou65
I feel the pain in your post and totally understand where you are coming from as we all do. The grief journey is a horrible one to be on and can be very lonely. Sadly bereavement does not prepare you for that. It is ok to feel the way you are and normal though the bad days always seem to outnumber the good days. It is good that you can come here to talk rather than bottle it all up.
There is a very useful site called AtALoss which lists local bereavement support in your area, if you would like to meet others face-to-face. If you go to the AtALoss website and select your location, you can see what may be available in your area.
Have you had a look at or know about the following resources by Sue Ryder which may be of support and help to you.
- The self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief Grief Guide
- Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS. Family and friends can use this free service too.
I am not sure as to your age (apologies if that sounds rude) but there is an organisation called The Silver Line 4 which is a helpline for anyone aged 55 and over. They provide friendship, conversation and support 24 hours a day 7 days a week. The number is 0800 4 70 80 90 and it is free.
This may be of help to you and sometimes it helps to talk to people outside of the family. This organisation is amazing, and it would be worth you looking at the website.
We care about you here and will listen at any time my lovely. You are not worthless as your heading mentions, you are special and have a purpose in life and in time your experience with losing a loved one will be of help to others. You are not alone here. We the Community are here for you.
Sending hugs, Take care.
Peppers xx
@LouLou65
Next Friday at 8? Look for the new link in the zoom thread. I’ll tag you in on it.
Karen xxx
Yes its very strange how the so called “friends” and “family” suddenly evaporate when the chips are down isnt it !!! Im afraid i just get angry with them all !!! Dont beat yoursekf up about bejng sad and not being able to be around people ! Especially couples … im the same ! Just like to meet on a one to one is best for me x