Both of my marriages ended due to sudden cardiac arrests. I was 48 the first time, and 68 the second time. There was not the opportunity to discuss what either of us would do in the event of death.
On both marriages I promised to love and be faithful until death parted us, and I did just that.
Now I don’t have a husband, so I am not married. I am, therefore, not being unfaithful.
I kept my vows.
I feel no guilt.
I feel joy that I have found love again. I came to the conclusion a long time ago that sitting on my own sobbing was fulfilling no useful function. Friends and family rally round at first, supporting and sympathising. Eventually ‘compassion fatigue’ takes over.
I joined this site, got chatting to others, one of whom had a similar outlook on life.
It’s not for everyone, but I was determined to make a new life.
The past doesn’t exist anymore. Tomorrow isn’t promised, all we have is today. And I intend to make the most of it.
Sending love and strength to anyone that needs it.
Jane xx
That is such an inspiring story I to lost my husband at 63 I was faithful to him and he was a wonderful husband I had only ever been withnone guy and that was him for the past 5yrs I have been on my own and I do not like the loniness but I have found that men judge me now for not bieng pretty enough or not bieng slim enough yes I have put weight on due to my ceoliacs disease and maybe I am not pretty but I have a big heart full of love and care but have just got fed up of bieng put down so I will not put myself out there to be hurt I just cannot do that people do not realise when they say these thing to another woman they are bieng hurtful and cruel there is no need to.put anyone down or to even hurt them I wish I had more confidence in myself that is what people have taken from me I wish there was more men in this world like my paul and your partner but sadly there just seems to be the ones that want to hurt me you never know maybe somebody on here can help me build all my confidence back up as on here I have found some lovely people to talk to and talking helps I just need help building my confidence back up again that’s all
You and your partner sound a lovely couple and I am so happy you found that live and happiness again I think we all deserve that
Sadly confidence is intangible, after my wife died, family and friends were constants,like most others they slowly drifted away, and I was left pretty much to it,it was a conscious decision on my part to restart my life and rebuild my own confidence and self esteem,it was never going to be easy, but nothing ventured nothing gained, good luck.
I think.my confidence has taken a battering at the moment i did find someone who said to.me.he was ready to move on I just needed to think about it and then when I.said I.would.like us to.meet and see where it goes he then said he.had visited where his wife is and he then said he was not.ready and never would be I felt so.let down as I took the time to.really think about it and I felt like a stupid woman he no longer wants any contact at all it has knocked my confidence
sarah
I guess we are all in the same place. All grieving, not knowing which way to turn or what we want. None of us have a rule book. We all have to do it on our own. Nobody is going to save us, especially when they are fighting their own demons.
Friends and families have their own responsibilities and grief to deal with.
When we lose our partner it is as if the rug has been snatched from under your feet. Throughout the ages millions of people have suffered the same fate. Many of them with no social security, no NHS, no pensions, obviously no internet. They coped and endured because there was no choice.
Sadly, it is not what life hands us, it is how we cope with it, whether we want to, or not.
I guess we have to roll with the punches, or throw the towel in.
Xx
So true about how we cope with everything but sometimes I just dont want to,I want to throw in the towel because what is the point. How do you carry on ,so alone. Then my Husband takes over in my head,hes the positive one and I think what would he do. He would do the best he can ,for me ,our family. He would never give up,he loved his life and I have to live mine for him. No matter how hard it is,wether I want to or not,I have to . So Im trying,keep failing but Im trying.
I think we have all felt like giving up, especially in the early days, I know I did. But then I remembered that I have a son and daughter who had just lost their dad. He couldn’t help dying, but I could, and I wasn’t about to leave them without their mum. What would that teach them? That I didn’t love them? that they were not enough?that when life gets tough, you just kill yourself?
My daughter has a severe learning difficulty, no speech, in a wheelchair, occasional challenging behaviour. Was I going to leave her brother to deal with the fall-out of my selfish exit?
No. I wasn’t. I just put one foot in front of the other, and kept going.
Now I am happy. I have a new relationship with a lovely man who loves me and my daughter. And we love him. My son doesn’t have to worry, he and my partner like and respect each other very much. My partner is also widowed. We met through this site.
I hope everyone here finds peace and happiness in whatever way suits.
Jane xx
Very well put, like most of us in the first 2 months. I felt lost and alone. How would I manage on my own. Somehow I have found the strength to carry on . I am only 6 months into this emotional rollercoaster. I have good family support, and an amazing friend. I am hopping in time it will get better.
