It has been 1 month since I lost my Nan due to cancer. It was sudden but slow - it only took 1 year from the time of diagnosis for my Nan to be gone. My Nan lived with us for the last 6 months of her life as she deteriorated quickly and lost her independence almost in the blink of an eye. I guess the hardest thing is the small daily triggers that are little reminders she’s no longer here. I feel guilty for not being there for her more during her final months but I think I just refused to accept that she was dying and I constantly convinced myself she had years more to live. I get thoughts daily that leave me feeling guilty - just reminders of opportunities where I could have asked Nan more questions, or even just sat silently in her company. My Nan was in a lot of pain towards the end, so often her mood was low and it was sometimes difficult to comfort her. I just wish I tried a bit more and I wish I told her just how much she meant to me. Not a day has gone by where I haven’t thought of her and the only thing that brings me comfort is she is no longer in pain. I miss her so much it hurts
Hello @nnxt,
I can see you’re new to the community. I hope you find it to be a support but I’m so sorry for the loss of your nan that brings you here.
I’m sure someone will be along to share their thoughts. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources.
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
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Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
Take care - you are not alone.
Seaneen
I know this is quite a late response to your post so you may not even read this!
The fact that she had six months of seeing your face is probably such a highlight. Grief always brings out a range of emotions and especially guilt. The fact is grandparents are special beings who always love you. I’m sorry you have lost her, and there isn’t much to say that can make you feel better except that you loved her and she knew it.
I know how you feel, I’ve recently just lost my grandad. He had a big part in my younger years of life. And the guilt I have for basically ignoring him this past year of my life eats away at me. (I struggle with bad mental health and I basically. Just. Was a horrible ignorant grandchild who never messaged or reached out. But made time for people who were way less important to me.)
Grief is such a horrible journey.
Hi,
You don’t realise how much that meant to me reading your message. And it means even more the fact that this is a feeling you have experienced and we share. It’s so tough to navigate through such big emotions.
Please don’t beat yourself up about this. I try to tell myself that all my grandparents still live through me and are with me everyday, watching the person that I am becoming. I hope this brings you comfort too, so your grandad can know that he has made you a better person but just simply existing. He will still continue to play such an important role in your life and shaping the person you become. Mental health isn’t a choice unfortunately and it can impact lives in such unfair ways, I’m sorry you went through this. I’m so sorry for your loss and I pray that it gets easier for the both of us
Thank you so much for your lovely response - It means so much to hear kind words. We’ll always have our grandparents with us like you said, and hopefully we can take one day at a time.