Most of us here have felt and feel the pain and deep seated hurt of loved one lost.
Tomorrow will be one year since I lost my husband, my friend, my lover, my teacher, my rock, my constant.
He was my life, my Soulmate…
I wrote this poem without realising what I was actually writing ‘If that makes sence’ ?
It just sums up how I’ve been feeling a lot of the time during this journey I have found myself taking.
Here it is…
The passing of a Soulmate is like none you’ve felt before,
With devastating accuracy it cuts right to the core.
Outwardly your body begins to shake and scream and shout,
Inwardly it feels as though your heart has been ripped out.
In a state of confusion that makes everything unclear,
Inconsolable crying and overwhelming fear.
Left not knowing what to do, say, or think
Wanting the ground to open, so in it you can sink.
Trapped in this void, in the space of in-between
What has your life become, what does it all now mean.
The emotional rollercoaster does not stop,
Chugging along to the next big drop.
But still you feel their arms surround you, secure and warm and true,
Remember the gentle gaze of love and beaming smile as they looked at you.
Life was good with lots of laughs, the cup, always half full
Comfortable, happy and contented, with much still left to do.
Then destiny dealt it’s fatal blow and your everything Stood Still!
Around you the world keeps turning and others move along,
Living their lives like nothing happened, saying “you really must be strong”.
Being strong is not in my vocabulary, wish they’d all leave me be
The only thing I really want, they cannot give to me.
Hoping and praying it’s all been a horrible dream,
Then comes the realisation, it is all as it seems.
Exhaustion, low energy and mood swings are your new best friends,
Nerves are permanently on high alert
Can’t be bothered with the fundamental things.
Keeping one’s self busy, trying to get a grip
Even in crowded places, occasionally the mask will slip.
A heavy weight of loneliness rests firmly all around,
The silence of a noisy room is deafeningly profound.
How to move forward?
How to carry on?
There is no definitive answer, no-one can tell you how it’s done.
Unable to function, full of distress
All part of The Grieving Process.