Hi everyone, i would like to share my own personal feelings now, the last 2-3 days (not including today as it suddenly came to a end for few hours).
Today i was with mum (sorry) and had to go to local hosp to get x-ray on her knee as had severe pain and unable to walk this morning.
I was ok on way to hosp in taxi , it was when we walked into to A&E , we sat waiting to be seen by staff, i was sitting staring at floor, looking around all the posters on wall, thinking about x-ray dept, the A&E treatment room number my sis was in , door wide open and saw the bed, the coffee shop with tables and chairs me , mum and sis sat at having a coffee and sarnie , the hosp shop opposite the coffee shop, then the tears started to run, wet nose, out comes the tissue, a&e full of patients, people glancing at me probably thinking what was wrong with me , i didnt care, no-one knows what its like that i and everyone on this forum site feel and go thru.
Anyway i stopped for 10 mins then something else would go thru my head, and start all over again. i looked around and saw 2 hosp domestics, cleaners walking towards waiting room with their trolley and mops, i naturally had a thought are coming to mop the puddles i made (tears) …what a relief when i saw them going into toilets to clean.
I have been feeling a tiny bit better, not much but the tears slowed a little, now i dont know if its because i have my sis back with me at home , and i am waiting for a memorial to be made by stone masons, blue marble with gold inscription to be in situ of remembrance garden of local…you know.
Umm…i think the reason i am having some “good days” is partly as i said above , but mostly been here with everyone , it feels like we are all in same room and have known each other for a long time. You are all very special strong people, coming on sue ryder and opening to each other with own personal situations, struggles and heartbreaking experiences (i say that with respect ok).
I dont have anyone now apart from mum, and each everyone of you here i feel close to, whether your a lady or a guy. Thank you for been here with me. x
Take care, hugs.
I do wish everyone a speedy full recovery for those going thru treatments past, ahead and current , and my heartfelt blessings to everyone with a recent and current loss , i just want to “hug you all”