Feels like I'm back to square one

Though I was doing ok but this week I feel so depressed and anxious again . I feel like I’m got the weight of the world on my shoulders and I just want to curl up in a ball and cry.
I miss jim so much I think with all the moving and goin away it occupied my mind now I’m tested positive for covid things have just got me down I want jim here he always looked after me when I wasn’t well I’m so miserable also worried about mum she’s also got covid and in her 80s trying to care for her and look after myself .


I get it sometimes your doing great then out of nowhere it hits you like a ton of bricks.

I’m looking after my mum too she’s broken burying your son is so not right no parent should have to go through that.

I miss my brother every single day and your right it hurts even the good memories hurt I have cried every single day since he left.

But I truly believe his in a better place better than this cruel world and will reunite again it’s only a temporary separation

Hi @Misprint, hope you and your mum both recover from covid soon.
But it’s just past the lst anniversary of you losing Jim. I think the second year is harder. You’ve lost the this time last year we were, now there is only sad memories because he is no longer with you. Being away as you said kept your mind busy and now you don’t feel well it’s all got to much and dragged you down.
I recognise how you are feeling and I caught covid just after the first anniversary of losing Doug. I missed no one in the house to care for me or just make me a cuppa. Because I was so down it moved me to seeing my doctor and go for counseling. I still have my down days, still miss him like crazy and the Queen dying with all the media attention brought back so many emotions.
Just take care of yourself and don’t expect to much to soon.
Sending love
Debbie X


Thanks Debbie xx

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Hi misprint often think of you and wonder how things are, I’m just at thirteen months now without my lovely husband and am finding it more difficult than ever, it’s melancholy, depression, flashbacks, overwhelming sadness and it’s like wading through mud to try and lift my spirits, and actually I now prefer my own company as I find others really do not understand and I don’t have to pretend to myself that I’m ok, none of us deserve this it’s a tough road, sorry to hear you and your mum have covid hope you recover ok, thoughts to all our poor souls xx


Its strange how you said you now prefer your own company. I have started to feel like that too. I have always been someone who had to be in the midst of others. I hated barren spaces, rain, and dark lonely days. Sjnce my beloved husband Ron died ( was 4 yrs ago last Sunday) I have found myself gradually leaning inwards to myself. I just want to lie on my settee and watch a film until I can curl up in my bed and sleep until noon the next day. I have no expectations. My life is flat and empty and I have no motivation at all because everything seems pointless without Ron. I can sit and look at photo’s and feel a strange contentment being alone. I am still heartbroken and have tried to fight my demons but I know that my life will never ever be as happy as it was when my husband was here so I have accepted that. I have a lot of friends but found myself let down when relying on them so I stopped doing it.
It is a constant struggle to keep going but I do because I have no choice. I am no longer afraid of death even though I was once terrified of thinking about it.I don’t feel depressed but the loneliness is deep within. I have no expectations, feel no joy or happiness but just paint a smile as we all do because no one else can possibly understand how I feel. Maybe one day it will change and the sun will emerge again but I will never fully feel it’s warmth.