It’s been 4 months since I lost my Mum who was 69. We lost our Dad when we were children. She was our families absolute world and was a much loved Nan. She had such Ill health for many years but she never complained. The last few years she was on dialysis and although we knew she would never be able to have a transplant we never thought she would go. She was so incredibly strong and had recovered from sepsis so many times that the doctors said she was a marvel. Now I feel so guilty that I was basically in denial about what was happening and didn’t say all the things I would have if I knew it was the last time. I feel like on the surface I am coping ok and people have stopped asking how I am but inside I am a mess and feel angry that life is just carrying on. I know it’s irrational but I just feel like people have almost forgotten. I know it’s not out of not caring but I feel like I can’t just be sad or have a bad day. Thanks for reading.
Hi Nats84,
I’m sorry for the loss of your mum and dad.
Even when we know a parent is unwell i think it still comes as a huge shock to lose them. They are our support system and the people who love us unconditionally.
I lost my Dad seven months ago, shortly after a cancer diagnosis. I adore him and we were incredibly close. Since losing Dad I have struggled with feelings of guilt and have replayed the final weeks in my mind. I did everything I could but it still feels unfinished in many ways. I have been told that this is a common reaction to grief.
I understand feelings of anger at life going on. How can people go about their daily life when my Dad is no longer here? It seems silly when I type it out but that is how it feels.
I think people are often busy with their own lives and no one knows how to approach grief. They are sometimes worried about upsetting us so won’t mention the person but this in itself feels incredibly hurtful and isolating.
I sadly don’t feel able to fully relate to people in the same way unless they have experienced grief. There will always be a disconnect or maybe that’s just how it is for now.
I have found lots of support on this site. There are other people here who understand the bad days and they will always respond. I love to talk about my Dad and this also feels like a safe space to do that.
Xx
Hi
I know what you mean. When my daughter died just before she was 22 of Sudden Death in Epilepsy. People wondered why I was still upset after a couple of months and would change the subject if l mentioned her name.
Last June l lost my husband suddenly from a heart attack. The same thing has happened.
I feel some people don’t know what to say others just are thoughtless to be honest, It’s times like this you find who your true friends and family are.
Take care xxx
I am so very sorry to hear of both you such sad losses. I just don’t think people can really understand unless they have actually lost someone themselves. There are times when it will hit me all over again and it literally hits my chest like a ton of bricks and takes my breath away. You just expect your closest friends to just know and understand and you can’t help but be hurt when they don’t. I just hate that nobody actually asks me about her anymore.
Thank you for your message. Your right it is hard to not feel angry when everyone else is able to just carry on when you are broken inside. I also find it so strange that you do just have to act as if your ok when you are feeling such a huge amount of loss and grief. I know you have to and It’s the right thing to do but it’s still so strange.
I agree totally, my close friends are the same and family,
It is a horrible lesson l have had to learn .
I don’t mention my husband or my daughter to them because they always avoid it or start talking about someone else who has died
It bloody hurts so that’s why I don’t say it c.
Thank goodness for this site at least here eo[quote=“Nats84, post:4, topic:68491, full:true”]
I am so very sorry to hear of both you such sad losses. I just don’t think people can really understand unless they have actually lost someone themselves. There are times when it will hit me all over again and it literally hits my chest like a ton of bricks and takes my breath away. You just expect your closest friends to just know and understand and you can’t help but be hurt when they don’t. I just hate that nobody actually asks me about her anymore.
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I know this sounds awful but I hate it if someone asks how l am doing.
Or mention my hubby or daughter [quote=“Nats84, post:1, topic:68491, full:true”]
It’s been 4 months since I lost my Mum who was 69. We lost our Dad when we were children. She was our families absolute world and was a much loved Nan. She had such Ill health for many years but she never complained. The last few years she was on dialysis and although we knew she would never be able to have a transplant we never thought she would go. She was so incredibly strong and had recovered from sepsis so many times that the doctors said she was a marvel. Now I feel so guilty that I was basically in denial about what was happening and didn’t say all the things I would have if I knew it was the last time. I feel like on the surface I am coping ok and people have stopped asking how I am but inside I am a mess and feel angry that life is just carrying on. I know it’s irrational but I just feel like people have almost forgotten. I know it’s not out of not caring but I feel like I can’t just be sad or have a bad day. Thanks for reading.
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because if I start talks about them they immediately change the subject.
So l do it first and just . Because they are not being honest and not worthy to talk about them. It took years of hurt for me get like this.
I only talk to people l trust. Thank Jess for this site xx
Sorry this new system is driving me crazy 