Hi it is two years since my husband died and I don’t know about anyone else but it all seems so unreal to me. I sit here and think I just can’t believe he is not here , gone for eternity. When I say that it doesn’t seem real. I can’t bear the thought of him being dead. I can’t get my head around it at all. I tell myself that I’m not the only one this has happened to and this is happening to someone every second of every day. Just feel so lost. Hoping for better times.x
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Hi @Loobyloo2
I feel exactly the same, can’t or won’t believe he’sgone and never coming back.
I’m only 11 weeks into this horrendous journey but i just cant see a time when I will feel any different.
The ones who say it gets easier with time haven’t been through this total wretched devastation, that is losing the one peron in the world that meant everything
Take care
Sending hugs x
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It’s just over 9 weeks for me but that is exactly what I think.
It is such an immense thing to try to understand and accept.
Big hugs x
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Just under 9 weeks for me since my wife died , think I’m similar to you in that i keep expecting her to come through the door , with a knowing smile , saying you’ve not done this , kids haven’t tidied their rooms , or that’s a mess , I knew you couldn’t cope without me .
I still expect that , even though I know deep down she’s not coming back . She would be right though as I can’t cope without her 
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I understand I am the same.
I want him back, I want our life back
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Hi @Loobyloo2
20 months now for me and I still don’t believe it’s true.
I think it’s because i can’t/don’t want to.
Accepting just seems like a step to far.
And it so scary.
It’s safer to stay in my sad bubble locked in some sort of strange time warp… That only I am in
Love and hugs to you
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@Loobyloo2 Some days I say that over and over again. I talk to him all day long I sometimes even wonder if he knows he’s dead. And then I freak out completely wondering what the moment of death was like for him - he’d gone to hospital for a blood test after having chest pains several hours later after the hospital basically did nothing for him he went into cardiac arrest but they couldn’t save him. I was in the room next door and I went to see him not long after he’d gone I am so convinced he tried to open his eyes when he heard my voice, it’s horrible but then I think I hope mine was the last voice he heard. Since then - Xmas Eve last year - I have just been existing wishing it had been me that had gone.
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@Loobyloo2 yes I’m still in that strange time warp, looking at the world but not feeling like I’m part of it anymore, waiting for him to come home.
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That’s how I feel. It’s only 10 weeks.
Yes, it’s absolutely awful. But would you really want him to be going through this. This pain and wretchedness that is grief. I’m really struggling most days, but there is no way I’d want him to go through this.
So hard as this horrendous journey is, at least they’re not having to go through it. And we will get through, eventually.
I know how hard it is but I really wouldn’t wish this pain and desperation on him
Big hugs
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@Liro No, I wouldn’t let me rephrase it - I wish I’d gone with him or better still that neither of us had to go
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Yes I totally get that. I feel the same.
I wish I could say something to make you feel better. But I know I can’t
Thinking of you and sending you big hugs
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@Loobyloo2 i too feel like that loobyloo. It’s been three years and I still wake up in disbelief that he’s not here. I don’t like living alone and luckily for me my brother moved in. He’s company. I also have a sister I see most days. I think I’m doing well for a while and then suddenly I get him with grief. It just comes from nowhere. As if I’ve been storing it up whilst coping and then it has to just burst out. Sending hugs to you x