FIGHTING!!

I often come upon the word ‘fight’. In anxiety, (and the symptoms of anxiety are very close to those of bereavement), to fight emotions and feelings is to make matters worse than they need be. The dictionary says ‘To fight. To enter into combat with’. The word ‘struggle’ is similar. When in grief do we need to enter into combat with ‘IT’? Fighting and struggling with emotions is natural response to anxiety. We want out of it and in our minds we often struggle to free ourselves from the pain. but in accepting the pain and going with it rather than setting up opposition to it is a much better way forward.
Now to those newly bereaved this may sound all pie in the sky nonsense. And of course, to you at the moment it is. But store it away in your mind for future use. By facing and accepting our fears and the ‘what ifs’, we don’t try and run away from the pain. We allow it to come. We grieve because it’s the natural thing to do. Acceptance is far from easy, especially in the initial stages of grief. Accepting it’s a natural occurrence is also not easy. It’s still very much a process we have to go through, and by thinking differently maybe, just maybe, we can ease our way just a bit.
Blessings. John.

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Thank you, John. I agree that you have to let the feelings come and go and not fight. I am a Registered Nurse and have worked in Oncology and Haematology and often saw patients being told “to fight” cancer by the Media and people with no concept of disease. It just added to the fear, stress and sadness that these patients felt. Sometimes, the language used is just wrong. Thanks for you post. Rachel.

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Hi John
I agree with you. Having taken on board your advice previously offered. I started to accept and didn’t fight it anymore and accepted the good days with gratitude and got through the bad days full of fear and pain, as best I could I then found that a certain peace and positivity would take over, for a while. It becomes a vicious circle, a merry go round that becomes a way of life. Our love doesn’t just stop, it can become even more intense and through the pain it can bring comfort. As you say it might well sound nonsense to newly bereaved but given time and understanding just perhaps your advice might help them just as it has me.
Pat xxx

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Johnthan 123 - what lovely words. I was told by a Bereavement Counsellor that grief is a complicated process that involves many emotions.

When my partner died suddenly it was a very confusing time. I really couldn’t understand the jumble of thoughts in my head. I would recommend counselling to anyone who is grieving. It really helped me to come to terms with what had happened and made feel sane again.

May everyone on this group find peace and learn how to deal with this grief over time. (Remember there is no set time that you should grieve for. It varies for everyone.)

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