Hello everyone, so the coroner rang me Monday with the final results on my micks
Cause of death, after I’ve questioned it for weeks and been awkward it’s now gone to a final inquest where they’re 100% certain the original verdict was correct, which I’ve found very hard to accept and has sent me back to the day I found him and all the guilts came back and should of and could
Of!!! Debating on going to the hearing as his mother will be there and she’s already told the coroner she doesn’t want me there!! This is because she’s lied and told everyone a different reason for micks
Death! 
I don’t know why she doesn’t want to me know any information when I knew anyway from the start!! Coroners told her more or less tough tits and it’s a public inquest and anyone can go! Just seems all final now
I suppose it depends on whether you want to hear the technical details of how they arrived at cause if death, or if you’re prepared to accept it on the coroner’s word.
Some sort of family drama seems to just be par for the course - don’t understand it, but it’s just a common thread
Do what you feel is best for your own personal healing and not because his mother may be there - if you feel you need to be at the hearing, then go, regardless of who’s going
I think I will end up going as it’s only 5 minutes to be told the cause of his death, for his death to finally be registered, 
a little bit of info about why his mother hates me, that day I found mick, she was there too, he lived in a block of flats and she lives next door, I had to knock on hers as I knew she had spare key when he wasn’t answering door, he hadn’t told her about me due to the fact he clashed with her and didn’t want her to know his business, others knew about me but he refused point blank to tell her, so when I knocked on and explained who I was, she was quite angry and rude, refused to open his door, I got the police who took 3hrs to arrive due to be busy, In that 3hrs she didn’t have one good word to say about mick, absolutely slated him for 3hrs, looking back I should of waited downstairs as I was very uncomfortable, she was telling me things about his past which I already knew, he had a bit of a drink problem back in the day but he had turned his life around and she kept bringing that up etc, so once the police arrived and the shock and horror unfolded, the next day she told me I wasn’t welcome at hers or his funeral and I meant nothing to him or she would of known about me, very harsh and I don’t believe I deserve any of what she said and done considering I’ve done literally nothing to her, I think she wanted me out the way as she knew she had been
Slagging him off! I know at that point we had no idea what had happened to him but I think she’s guilty and knows what she was saying about him was vile!! so no she continues to bin my flowers from
His grave and says things to people like how I’m nothing to him, her sister knew about me, micks Aunty, and her words to mick were “don’t worry I won’t tell her as we all know what she’s like” yet nobody calls her out on her behaviour! Like they’re all scared of her, mick has 2 brothers and they don’t say anything to her, I’d met one of the brothers and again nobody has put her in her place! I’ve never been treat like this before so find it very hard to understand too, 
@Ang5 for me , this situation would be so distressing that I think I’d choose not to go . It’s bad enough hearing about your lovely partner’s death described in technical legal type terms , but the additional family discord would make things much worse for me .
You will no doubt have your own opinion and reasons for either attending or not . The fact that it’s only 5 minutes is neither here nor there for me - I don’t think I would want to hear my man’s life reduced to a 5 minute explanation. It’s s very personal thing anx I wish you all the best which ever you choose to do xxx
Yeah I read your thread on the binning of the flowers.
I’d leave immediately afterwards and have no contact - she will try start drama I’m sure.
If you react she will use it to weave narrative of victimhood and how you attacked her at the hearing.
Indifference and disengagement will be a far better tactic and not play her game
She will definitely try and start, she won’t get any reaction from me, cos your so right in her wanting me to say things so she can play the victim I know she’s greiving, she’s lost her son, her behaviour is just so strange but I suppose people deal with things in all kinds of ways, I just wish things were different and we could be sat talking and laughing about micks life, his funny ways, his sarcastic humour , he was so hilarious and I miss him every single day, part of me died that day too, people think I’m ok cos I’m back to work but I’m far from it, I’ve been a mess since I spoke to coroner on Monday, I don’t know why, I knew the morphine he had for his back had played a part in his death, but hearing that was the main cause for his heart stopping knocked me for six! He accidentally took a little bit extra as he was in so much pain, went to sleep, and never woke up, it’s going down as misadventure rather than natural causes, as he had an enlarged heart, I’m so devastated he’s gone over a little bitExtra morphine! I suppose we’ve al been there and took extra painkillers when we shouldn’t of, I know I have when my arthritis is bad! Had he known or had I known I’d of took it from him, but who was I to take it from him? He was prescribed it, I couldn’t tell him what to
Do, they don’t even know how much extra he had as the tests varied between therapeutic and fatal, just can’t believe it to be honest 
@Ang5 im really sorry that the inquest has not given you peace of mind . In a way I’m pleased that with my partner, the decision to proceed to inquest was cancelled following the post mortem. That was bad enough for me .
I hope you are eventually able to find some peace xxx
Do you have anyone who can go to the inquest with you? Someone who knows the situation and would be brave enough to act as a buffer, if his mother starts something? The coroner certainly won’t put up with any histrionics!
I feel, you might benefit from attending in person, but would find it easier with a support buddy?
Was heart attack listed as the only cause of death?
If so, this seems strange to me, an opioid overdose results in respiratory arrest and then hypoxia. A heart attack can happen from there, if there is a heart condition, but I would expect respiratory arrest and hypoxia to be primary leading to myocardial infarction.
If you are the beneficiary of a life policy, misadventure could potentially have an impact on this.
I don’t know the details, and don’t mean to make a difficult situation harder - and am not a medical professional. Just seems a few holes from what you’ve briefly outlined and would be inclined to get a third party medical opinion if it’s labeled misadventure, particularly if it may possibly affect a life insurance policy etc
One of my friends is coming with me just as a support, I told her im just going to hear the official outcome and won’t even make eye contact with the mother, @MemoriesOfUs LVH was discovered during post mortem which he didn’t know he had, but the main cause of death was the morphine and LVH secondary, it’s took so long cos they were asking me about how the morphine made him feel and they’d also investigated the doctor who gave him it, the doctors investigation came back as ok, and it’s just been he was in agony the day before with his back, and he accidentally took too much, the levels of morphine kept Rising when they tested it so they don’t know exactly how much he had, I actually thought he had choked on vomit as there was a lot in his bed but she said it wasn’t that, was respiratory depression caused by morphine and LVH secondary, he had life insurance in his sons name, his sons 11, so I’m assuming he won’t get anything now, his mothers next of kin though so I’m not sure if she would of getting anything? I had a feeling it would interfere with his insurance with it being misadventure but that’s something I will never get to know about now, as they’ll deal with that, he had a prison officer pension aswel which I know was in a fund for his son for when he was 18, just hope that still stands!!
@MemoriesOfUs i asked if he had heart attack and coroner said no, LVH (left ventricular hypertrophy) wasn’t the same as heart attack, so to be honest I don’t know what she means, I’m assuming the morphines just stopped his heart due to it being enlarged, I should of asked this but couldn’t think straight, she said she’s posted me out a copy of the report so it’ll probably be on there. It’ll be a hard read no doubt
It doesn’t necessarily mean that policy is invalid - depends on the wording of the policy.
Accidental o/d not usually a criteria for exclusion, but it can be
Ok if they said respiratory depression as primary that makes sense, and not heart attack.
I wouldn’t go into too much detail on the report, just going to make things worse and not help you heal.
Lvh is a contributing factor, but not the cause - opioids cause respiratory suppression and lack of oxygen eventually caused hypoxia and heart failure.
No point in going further than that, esp if you’re not beneficiary of any policies and don’t have to be involved in that potential battle.
The pension will pay out, life insurance, most likely unless there was specific clause in the contract. I would think it was set up that it goes into a trust for his son until he is of age.
I hope you get some sort of closure from the hearing, in terms of what happened and can now focus on grieving and yourself
@MemoriesOfUs im finding it very hard to think he’s gone due to morphine, I didn’t want him to have it originally and we had a disagreement about it, so had he not had that. He would still be here, but the coroner said I don’t know that for certain as the heart condition would of done something eventually, maybe so but he would still be here now, age 42 was no age to go, I’m so devastated and Also
Angry, we had plans for that day I found him, I still can’t believe it, I find myself on Google all the time googling horror stories of opioid deaths, just wish he never got it prescribed
@Ang5 i am sorry to hijack your thread a little bit but I have read and commented re the flowers and I’ve read this one too . Firstly I am so sorry your lovely man died so unexpectedly and at such a young age . You , understandably have loads of conflicting emotions and thoughts going round your head at this time , which I fully understand. My partner died suddenly and unexpectedly in January 2023 . We’d been together 20 years and I will never get over his loss . I had loads of conflicting thoughts too - I narrowly escaped the ordeal of an inquest , as the findings of the post mortem were sufficient. My man was found , amongst other things to have an enlarged heart . In fact this , in combination with undiagnosed congestive heart failure caused his death . So , an enlarged heart behind the scenes gradually causes so much damage it can lead to death . Now you mentioned your personal regrets about your man being prescribed morphine and being against this drug . The coroner did say that enlarged heart alone may well have caused your poor partners death , or at the very least will have hastened it . The morphine would have been prescribed by a doctor who used their clinical judgment as to whether or not it was suitable. I really hope that in time you can stop thinking that somehow you may have been able to prevent this tragedy by stopping him taking his morphine. I know that enlarged heart, once has got its grip will cause so much damage to a person that it cannot be undone. It’s not always detected , not until after death . It’s awful having all these thoughts because I know I regret not encouraging my man to stop smoking . He intended to but he seemed so fit that we didn’t necessarily think it was an issue then . I didn’t realise it was killing him . I wish I’d stopped him doing this and I had the thoughts for so long afterwards . I eventually had to let go of these because as an adult , he made his own choices and I couldn’t have forced him to stop doing something. I just felt I wanted to let you know that all the what ifs you are through right now will eventually subside and then you can begin to grieve however you need to . You will free your mind to be able to think of different things . These days my mind is permanently full of thoughts about my Baz but they are not dwelling on things I can’t change . They are thoughts of just how deeply I love him still and miss him . In fact I will always miss him and my life is unbearably sad without him . I hope you find some healing and some peace xxx
It’s very difficult when there’s unanswered questions 
No one will really know for sure what happened as they weren’t there and the chain of events that lead up to it.
My partner was on morphine for 9 1/2 months consecutively and then was moved to oxycodone in the last 2 1/2 months as morphine wasn’t strong enough to control the pain and she was having hallucinations at such a high doses, which isn’t as common with oxycodone even though it’s a far more potent opioid.
Opioid overdose is very difficult to determine because the person adapts to the dosages and builds a tolerance - my partner was on over 120mg per day of oxycodone, which would be equivalent of 200mg per day of morphine.
Had I taken that dose, I would likely be dead, so fatal dosing is not that cut and dried.
At end of day, you’ll never really know what happened that day and I’ve been down the road of what if’s and if onlys. It doesn’t lead anywhere and just breaks you.
42 is very young - my partner had just turned 50 before I lost her, so I understand the injustice you feel in a stolen life and future - its unnatural, parents arent suposed to stand at their childrens graves.
Theses no easy answers unfortunately - have to just try get through best you can, day at a time
@Ladysuisei6 thankyou for replying, wish I could have the sensible thoughts that I couldn’t of done anything to stop him, I know I couldn’t of as he was very stubborn and strong willed so when I was saying I don’t think it’s a good idea having morphine, he was saying I’m not stupid and know how much to take etc, so who was I to say anything else I just so wish he had thought more about it before taking that bit extra, he had a bulging disc in his back and the ironic thing was he was meant to have operation on 3rd of December and they cancelled it and he died the 4th!! I feel so angry about that too cos he would still be here!!! But then again maybe not, as the heart condition was still there waiting to pounce @MemoriesOfUs thanks for all your replies too, everyone seems more sensible and know a lot more things than me, I just rely on Google which isn’t always correct and sometimes I can’t think straight about the actual facts and your right I will never know what happened, whatever he’s done was accidental and I’ve got to keep telling myself that, just keep thinking had I been there would I of heard him make a noise or been able to do anything, just so harsh that I’m left with all this now and the added drama of his mother,
@Ang5 after my man died I spent a lot of time on google for one reason or another. I never quite got the answer I was seeking so I just kept looking and looking- I drove myself mad . Very sadly an undiagnosed heart condition can strike at any time as I know myself. It’s heartbreaking and so utterly shocking. I will never get over my loss and you sound like you are searching for answers you might never find . All I can do is offer you love and peace for the weeks , months and years ahead xxx
@Ladysuisei6 thankyou, same to you, that’s all we can do isn’t it, I try to think of the amazing times but sometimes my brain is overthinking that much about how and why and what could I of done, I know I could’ve done absolutely nothing! I just just feel he had a crap couple of years behind and was finally happy with his life and then this, just when we had both found happiness,