Finding comfort

8 months ago I lost my husband, Duncan, to cancer. We were happily married for 30 years. I’m learning to carry my grief with me. It isn’t so raw anymore. Not as painful. Of course I still miss him terribly. But one thing that really comforts me, something I return to every day is the thought of Karma. It was explained to me like this (and can apply to any or no religion): We are more than just a body. We are the sum of our thoughts, our actions and our words. Those thoughts, actions and words have consequence. Think of the ripple affect when you throw a pebble in a lake. His words, actions and thoughts have left a legacy. Part of his legacy is how he affected me. I am who I am in no small part thanks to him. In that way he lives on through me. So when I look at his photo I say to myself, Duncan is with me. He lives on through me. We are one. Our love is not gone. Only his body is gone. I gain comfort from these thoughts. I wonder if anyone else feels the same.


Hi Rachel,
Yes I feel the same as you. I lost my husband Mike 4 months ago to cancer and although I feel incredibly lost and lonely I know he lives in every beat of my heart. I wrote something very similar to you in a post called Stepping Stones. I am living this life for both of us and hoping to fulfill all of the plans we had made.
I still have wobbles but once the sadness passes I get back up and carry on
Jen x


I love the expression that your husband lives on in every beat of your heart. Thank you for that. I will hold that imagine close to my heart too. Life, is so precious and is to be cherished. But knowing our loved ones are right there with us is like a root of a tree giving strength.


What a wonderful sentiment. I lost my husband 11 months ago, it was a sudden death. I had some of his ashes placed in a ring, so even though he is with me in spirit he is also with me always. There are days when I feel lost and lonely but then I look at his photo and he is smiling I know he is with me. It’s true what you say, he has inspired me in so many ways, the values he upheld live on through me and his children and grandchildren. True some days I get tearful but that is life, grief is something we all have to live through, but coming out the other side knowing that he would want me to be happy spurs me on. The plans we had for the future together have gone but I will fulfil them one by one, and be proud that I can do this in his memory. His body may be gone but he lives on through his family.
Denise xx


Dear Denise, I’m so sorry you lost your husband suddenly only 11 months ago. But your words are very beautiful to hear and encouraging. I listened to the YouTube video someone posted in one of these forums last night. Her parting words were that while her husband was alive, he lived outside of her. But now that he is gone, he lives inside of her. I really like that sentiment too.


Dear @RachelB, your words echo my thoughts precisely. I couldn’t have put it better. I lost my husband suddenly nearly two years ago. I feel he is blended with me, so even if not physically, he is still here. You can’t just cancel 26 years of life together, just like that, all of a sudden, in a matter of minutes. If I’m still here he is too. Like you say, our soulmates will live on through us because we are what we are today thanks to being married to them. Nothing will ever take that away from us. You don’t say if you have children, I have my son and daughter who will also carry on his legacy with me. Yes, this does give me comfort and strength to go on.

Take care.

1 Like

So lovely to read your message. I think the feeling of having our loved ones live on within us is as far as it goes with recovery. Meaning it is the ultimate understanding of where it is we find ourselves. We can’t have their physical selves back but we can have them inside us.

We chose not to have children because we led very exciting lives in the travel industry, travelling the world. We retired 5 years ago. I love where I live but just take short trips now since I want to return to my cocker spaniel, Teddy. He’s like my child! He’s 5 now and I’ve had him since he was a puppy.

I’m glad you have the comfort of your children and that long lasting legacy.

Sending love and positive energy your way and to all the other bereaved souls out there. I’ll attach a cute photo of teddy since it makes me smile so I hope you will too.


Your Teddy is absolutely gorgeous. :heart:
I’m sure he will provide you with so much comfort and so many cuddles.

Sending you hugs.

1 Like

Hi Rachel what a lovely dog. They are a great comfort to us aren’t they? I lost my one dog last year at 13 years. A border collie as if that wasn’t enough I lost my husband suddenly in December then my other dog needed an operation in June this year and I didn’t know if she would survive. Thankfully she did and is my constant companion now. She is 8 years old. She loves going out for a walk, not when it’s raining though. She keeps me going. Life is definitely strange without our loved ones but they wouldn’t want us to sit and mope. Admittedly the first 6 months have been tough but I’m getting there slowly, but coming up to the first anniversary is not going to get me down. It will be sad and no doubt there will be tears, but I know that he will be with me.


Dear RachelB, I am sorry for the loss of your husband Duncan. I just wanted to tell you that your post has brought me a lot of comfort today. I lost my husband of 46 years to cancer on the 16th if October. Today would have been Mike’s 68th birthday. I too feel that he is here with me in spirit and made me the person I am today. He was an athletics coach and I have been able to take so much comfort from the many people who have said what a positive influence he was in their lives - the ripple effect indeed.
I will be spending today in the company of our wonderful sons who each have the very best qualities of their dad. He truly lives on in them and our grandsons.
Thank you again for sharing your story and I wish you all the very best for the future.

1 Like