Finding it difficult to accept I've lost my dad

I lost my dad over a year ago and still can’t come to terms with it. He had alzheiemers and he was doing OK untill he went into a home. He was only 68. Diagnosed at the age of 55. It’s so unfair. I feel so lost and pretend to just carry on as normal because I feel that’s expected of me. I loved my dad so much. My world is empty without him. I was referred to councilling but cancelled because I never wanted to accept he has gone and couldn’t talk about it. I feel I have changed so much and lost the person I was. I miss my dad so much

Hello Joey… I recall reading your previous posts. I’m sorry you are feeling distress. I understand where you are coming from as I too feel as if I’m a changed person following the loss of my Husband 23months ago. As if I’ve “lost” myself as well. Yes, it’s really difficult to put on an act of normality when everything feels pretend, empty and fake. I agree with you about the counselling. It feels like if we talk everything out of our head we’d have nothing left to hold onto and we’d have no option but “acceptance” and we can’t face that.prospect. If you can’t face the counselling just yet it’s ok to say no. It’s almost as if we have “experienced” the loss but not “confronted” it. The worst part is that because time has passed it feels more painful to go back in time and think about it. To your family and friends 12 months will seem a long time and they may assume you’ve come to terms with things but I suspect to you it feels like you are frozen in time in a way. I know I do. I wish we had a solution but I just thought I’d drop you a line to say I understand. You sound as if you were blessed with a truly wonderful relationship with your Dad. That’s such a precious gift. Keep going as best you can Joey…

Hi Tina
Thank you for taking the time to reply to me. It meant a lot. Yes I did have a lovely special relationship with my dad. He was my world. I just feel so empty now. I work which is good for me but I feel still to this day in have to put on this pretence. It is very hard. Miss him so much. Just wanted to reply to say thank you for your kind words and my thoughts are with you too.

Thanks Joey look after yourself.

Joey: when I lost my dad, it was like someone struck me with a 2x4 piece of lumber and I was flat out on some side road while a shadow of me, got up and was operating, functioning. it has been six years now and I miss him terribly everyday. then my mother died two years ago.

I am older than you but the loss is the loss, especially if you have good parents who loved you. you never get over it but you eventually feel a little better but it takes a long, long time. I am permanently depressed over their deaths, I have to say. But I keep plodding along because what choice do you have?

Those people who encouraged me to move on, I ignored. I did it at my own pace and I went to grief support groups and sought out counselors. it helped a lot. I listen to no one but myself when it comes to how I feel. I have learned that much as an adult and if it hurts, the loss, it means something. You cannot deny it. Be sad if you want. It is your right. But also remember, your father wants the best for you. He knows you also have a limited lifespan and he would encourage you to make the most of it.

For a long time, I believed in heaven and afterlife to cope. It helped a lot. I am not sure if I believe in that now. But I like the idea of it, nonetheless. Your grief is entirely up to you. One year is not long at all, in mourning a good parent. It will be several more years before you feel better because the greater the loss, the longer the grief.