How do I cope with such loss.
In the past five years my friend of 25 years suffered and died with cancer, my uncle and auntie died, my father dropped dead suddenly and my mother couldn’t live without him so therefore starved herself to death- although I tried everything and eventually she died in my arms.
After this my cousin hung himself after leaving the army.
I am feeling totally overwhelmed and just breakdown at diff times for no reason.
Everything comes flooding back and it’s just getting harder day by day.
I feel so alone.
Hello Hoshi,
It sounds as though things are very tough at the moment and you are feeling overwhelmed.
I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here, and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.
Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling
Another good place to get support is Cruse Bereavement, they offer a helpline, email support, and counselling and support groups through their local services http://www.cruse.org.uk/bereavement-services. You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or support services in your local area
Take care,
Michelle
Online Community team
Hoshi,
I’m so sorry that you’ve lost so many loved ones. I’ve lost both my Mum and Dad. My Dad twenty years ago and my Mum a year and half ago.
I’m glad you’ve found this forum, as there will always be someone here who understands how raw and painful it feels.
Keep writing on this forum. It will hopefully help you feel less alone.
Take care
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Hi @Hoshi,
I’m so sorry that you have lost so many who were dear to you.
I simply lost my husband last September, then I’ve been in the wilderness of grief, a bit like you. Slowly I realised that some so-called ‘friends’ have their own interests and not mine at heart. They kept on telling me what I should and should not do. That hurt me a lot. Also, many people urged me to ‘reach out’ to them and they would help. When I tried that I found that these people too made suggestions that muddled my mind even more.
We are all different. But we are all human beings and we are all coming to terms with the loss of someone who we loved, someone who was a guiding light in our lives, someone who loved us as we loved them, despite the faults we have as individuals.
I haven’t yet healed, but I’ve found solace in watching nature, the birds on my patio, the re-assurance that life goes on, however hard it might be at times. Also music and poetry and reading, resuming my hobby of photography, beginning to think of how and when I can reach stability in my emotional and physical life.
I’m in the UK and I now have, at last, a support network of people who know me and are helping me through. It’s taken the best part of a year to find that - I know it takes some people longer than that, but some are lucky and find help sooner.
I hope you will be in the latter category. Please keep on posting here, where you will find people who understand, to an extent, what you are going through.
Peace to you and please know that, for a moment, I am thinking of you.
Christie xxx
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Thank you so much.
I understand because so called individuals always say they understand and will help but they let you down.
It is very sad tbh and I don’t think people understand untill they suffer loss of loved ones.
So much sadness and I truly believe that our loved ones take a tiny bit of our hearts with them when they finally go.
I am sorry for your loss and hope you have lots of support now.
.
My daughters say that the loved ones in heaven would hate to see me so upset, but I just can’t help it.
Grief is awful for anyone and we all handle it differently.
Godbless x
Dear Hoshi,
Thank you for your kind words. I’m a Christian Catholic, but there is a Buddhist Temple near to where I live and I’ve spent time there.
It’s Tibetan Buddhism that’s taught there, a little different to other schools, but the main thing I have learned there is that life it to be valued, you have to try to live the best life you can whilst helping those you meet along the way.
In the teachings, there is no death, just that you are passing from one type of existence to another.
This thought has been very healing for me. My husband and soulmate was a wonderful man, and I can still feel his soul at times. This has helped me a lot as I struggle through the days.
You are a good person. I am glad you have daughters to help you. Thank you for your blessings.
May God bless you too, and help you to find peace in your life once more.
Christie xxx
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Dear Hoshi
I’m so sorry for your loss
I cannot begin to understand the pain that your been going through
I loss my husband suddenly then 9 months later my mum passed away
It’s been 2 years now and I find it harder now to cope with my grief
I think I was so busy sorting out all the arrangements for both deaths I had no time for me to grieve
Now I’m grieving I just breakdown when I’m alone and cry and sometime wish I could be with him but then I tell myself off David wouldn’t want me to be feeling like this so I put a brave face on and try and carry on
How do we cope !! That’s why i joined this group hoping someone could give me the answer
But I’m afraid there is no answer
All I can say is talk share with those who want to listen never bottle up your feelings as that will makes you worse
So when your down cry
Try and do things that will put you in a happy mood they will take the pain away for a wee while making it easier to cope
There is no right and wrong
Do what you feel is best for you
Sending my love
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I may visit a temple near me as it sounds healing.
Stay safe and take comfort that there are a few of us caring people and think of others about.
Stay safe 
Hoshi
I do hope that gives you comfort
But I’m afraid I am so angry at God for taking David
He was a wonderful person everything to live for I wish I was the one that had died
I know that’s selfish of me but life is so hard without him no purpose
At least he is not going through this pain that’s the only thing that makes me happy 
So fingers crossed for you
You stay safe too
I’m so sorry for your loss😢it’s so difficult to carry on isent it? But we have to.
I wish I could wave a magic wand and make everyone feel better and take their pain away.
Take care keep the faith x
Hi Scottie,
I think feeling angry with God is OK. I’ve felt the same thing often. More often I scream: ‘why, why, why???’ I simply can’t see why God let this happen to my wonderful Jim. I can’t see why he was put through so much pain and suffering.
It’s so unfair. We always thought that Jim would easily reach 90, as his parents did. I had late stage cancer 12 years ago now, along with extensive osteo-arthritis, fibromyalgia and cervical myelopathy. He nursed me through all that so gently.
I am left with this feeling that I failed him somehow. His illness and death became apparent so quickly, COVID didn’t help of course, because it was impossible for him to see a GP for a time. And he was a very strong man, he shrugged illness aside.
I am getting help to cope with these feelings now. I hope that in time you manage to get through this too, although that seems impossible now.
Christie xxx
My husband died suddenly and with no apparent illness. I am still awaiting the results of a second post mortem. My whole view on life has changed. We planned for the future and we’re just beginning to get more time for ourselves. We were looking forward to focussing on ourselves as we approached retirement. It won’t happen now. I can’t get my head around how such a lovely, kind man with so much to give and so much to do could be taken so unexpectedly. The only thing is that I won’t have to see him suffer an illness as I am doing with both my mum and his mum. I just though we had so much more time…
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Morning all
I agree with you too
David died suddenly out of the blue
We had planned our future together early retirement spend more time with the grandchildren
David was only 49
Now I just feel lost
No purpose to my life anymore
Like you said I’m only happy he will not suffer the issues of getting older
They do say only the good die young !!
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I’ve had people say that the good ones are taken young. Just makes me think that I have been left as punishment. Not quite sure what for but it certainly feels like it.
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I think we all feel like this when we loose loved ones.
Keep strong xxxx
Jules
Please don’t think that
We are still here probably because we are stronger ones we can cope what life throws at us
I know what your going through is horrendous
But you do get through it some how
I was on auto pilot for a whole year when david died
I loss my soul mate the person that made me a better human being
That’s my problem now I have time to think get angry oh god miss him so much
And when they keep on going on about giving each other HUGS soon
You just want to break down and scream
I will never be able to hug him or my mum ever again
I must admit I do think sometimes am I a bad person ! That why I was left and not him ?
But my mum always believed we are born with so many heartbeats !!
And I think she was right
Take care
Xx
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I certainly wouldn’t want him to be left in this pain so if anyone has to do it then better it be me. I am also beginning to think that we have a predetermined time. My husband was determined to keep himself fit and healthy for a long life. It didn’t work despite his efforts.
That the only thing that makes me happy
My mum and david are not going through this hell !!!
I know I look at people not in a bad way but they smoke and drink and they are still alive
David wasn’t a health fanatic but he was healthy
He died at 49
My poor mum had loads of health problems over the years
And she lasted till she just turned 70
So I will never understand why some live and some die
I do believe if there really is a GOD why isn’t he taking all the bad people in the world ?
Xx
I know what you mean. My husband died at the age of 50 whilst exercising to try to live a long and happy life with me. He was a good and kind man. Why should he still not be here. The only thing is that he won’t have to suffer -