Hi. First time posting here. My husband passed away suddenly in front of me two months ago. I tried in vain to save him as did the paramedics that attended him. I’m trying to keep the happy memories but I’m struggling to see past his death … it was very traumatic. Today i wrapped Christmas presents on my own for the first time in 40 years. Writing the labels with just my name was really hard 
. Not sure i want to carry on on my own … it’s so hard. Sorry for negativity … just need to vent.
I think witnessing a death is traumatic whether it’s expected or not. I witnessed my mum’s death, she fell at home and died in hospitable 4.days later. I know it’s not the same but wanted to reach out. I always decorate mum’s house for xmas -feels weird i won’t do it this year.
It’s terribly hard. My partner died in October 23, and that first Christmas was just heartbreaking. So sorry for your loss.
Please don’t apologise.
I too was with my husband when he died.
I have flashbacks, very distressing.
I believe it is my brain trying to make sense of what has happened but of course it doesn’t.
For me, it is quite often, getting through the day. I can plan a little while ahead for some things occasionally.
It really is what helps you get through the day.
Sending a big hug xx