Finding it hard to enjoy Christmas

My sister has terminal cancer and seems to be getting worse .Shes virtually bed ridden and in pain we almost know this is her last Xmas . I constantly worry although I have my own family to think of I can’t stay postive anymore I know when next year comes the reality will hit even harder .
I feel bad that I can walk away and come away from her life I cannot go to see her to much as I know I will break down and cry and she really doesn’t like that . I think I have been in denial as she was up and about until recently . I feel a big cloud over the whole family

Hello, my name is Alan. Make the most of your sister while you can. It may be that your sister finds tears emotionally draining, she will not have much strength now and will be trying to keep a brave face to the world and for her own sake. When Helen, my wife, declined I refused to accept it and so regret it now. Hold her hand, tell her you love her, and just be there for her when you can. I hope your family can support you in turn. If you can talk to your sister’s palliative care nurse it would be good, they know what will help at this time. My best wishes to you and your sister, Alan.

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Thank you Alan . I have often wanted to tell her I love her but that’s very hard as she’s not that kind of person and I feel that’s my need to offload my feelings and not hers , how ever it postive these words will flow when the times right . She’s only 36 so I feel very mad right now that she has been dealt this card …I often wonder do people ever recover from grief ? How do they get up and get on after ? I feel like this is something that happens to other people and not my family x

Hi Sparkle

So sorry to read this. Would second what Alan says, tell your sister you love her and yes hold her hand and cuddle her.

My family is not at all tactile but when my Mum was terminally ill I told her every day I loved her and kissed her every night assuring her I would see her in the morning. Something I treasure from those awful days before she passed away was her leaning against me and thanking me for being so kind.

It is a memory so special that has meant so much to me since and this is the first time I have shared it with anyone. There is nothing that can beat knowing you are loved and telling someone you love them.

Mel xx

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Dear sparkle
So sorry to hear of your sisters prognosis. Spend as much time as you can with her.
I think I’m in a similiar situation with my dad. He has advanced prostrate cancer and I think nearing the end of his life. The last year has been tough but Christmas was terrible. He was admitted with a serious infection which I think means that his kidneys are failing. We actually started to say our goodbyes. I will treasure the days we had together in the hospital. He said I was his hero and I told him he was mine. Remarkably he pulled through and is trying to get mobile again. It is a rollarcoaster and I’ve no idea what’s next. He has been given days and weeks to live but now it might even be months.
Sending love.
Sissy x

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