Hi All,
First time posting here and I’m happy to have found a little community where i can talk about this a little more.
Like many here, i have lost my mother - very recently and completely unexpectedly (in late Nov) I woke up one morning, walked into her room and found her fallen out of bed in an unusual position (one that gives me nightmares).
I tried to resuscitate but it was no good. My world shattered.
I have really struggled to balance my emotions and lifestyle since then as immediately I was thrown into leading the charge to settle all affairs, arrange a funeral, look at selling and moving house and deal with various heightened financial expenditures. Even the morning of when it happened, when the family all arrived, all eyes were looking at me to make every hard decision. It’s the stress of being a leader.
I lived with my mom but after the event I can’t stay there anymore so I have been living on my sisters settee for the last few months while we settle the remaining affairs.
It has been an incredible challenge as i was releasing an album at the same time, meant to be one of the highlights of my life (the pr campaign started 4 days before she died). An extreme high and an extreme low all at once. It has been overwhelming at times.
I have some plans for the near future that I think will help me in this transition, sorting a few of my own personal affairs and doing a bit of travelling, but I can’t help think that i’ll be in a scary and lonely place about a year from now. I feel people corral around you in the formative months and then move away from you (in a sense saying, it’s time to deal with it).
I don’t know what life will hold at that point, I’m a young guy at only 36 and have lost both parents, I tell myself that I don’t have enough grey hair to be going through this but time will tell I guess.
My mother was an ill woman, I have a good career and a good social life but i placed my mother’s health and care at its core. Now that core is empty I kind of feel empty too. Like everything else I do is just a distraction from the growing loneliness.
.