Hi I’m finding coping harder. It’s been almost 18 months since my partner, my love, my best friend, my joy passed and I’ve struggled through the first year probably in shock although my partner had a terminal illness for a long time we both thought he’d have a little longer. I put on a brave face at his funeral and under family pressure cleared out a lot of his things( he collected a lot so it was necessary) although I felt somewhat pressurised. I’ve struggled through Christmas keeping a false cheerfulness and just had his second birthday without him. Perhaps it’s that which has triggered me so much but I feel his loss even more. Friends deserted me right from the start. My family don’t mix much although they live close. They say they’re happy in their company even though I’ve expressed that I’m not. They don’t have great health. So I’m practically cut off from them apart from the phone and I know I can’t download constantly to people. I feel alone and dumped. My mental health is a mess, I’m crying so much, at times I feel I’m going crazy like today. I have a disability and this causes mixing a problem. I’ve been so strong and carried on but it’s all been an act because I know no one is there. I will probably have Christmas alone as my family don’t celebrate it and yet my partner and I always may a fuss of it. I know I need to find new things to do but I’m so lost at the moment. Sorry to ramble on.
Don’t be sorry, you have a lot going on. Having company definitely makes a difference.
Have you seen the doctor or rang for a chat. Sounds like you might need some help?
I’m 20 months in and found the 18 months mark quite hard and went into a bit of a slump.
I do find even with company that life is hard and different. People don’t really want to talk about it anymore and think we should be moving on, which puts us further on the back burner.
I just focus on each day. I’m lonely regardless of who’s around. I do make an effort to do stuff and i work, which is a huge plus.
Its hard, it really is and I’m sorry that you don’t have anyone to share with.
Keep reaching out on here, there’s lots of support.
Hi Ali29 Bless your heart. I’m sorry for your own loss. I know it’s not at all easy and I so appreciate your reply. Yes I’ve seen the doctor and even when my partner was diagnosed I realised I was grieving before he died. I was given antidepressants which I stopped because I was so drowsy. I had six sessions of phone counciling about a year after my partner passed which if I’m honest I had to laugh at because the lady would have to stop to let the builders in and it sounded as if she was doing the dishes 
. I have looked into volunteering but because of my health I know I’m unreliable. I think a big part of my problem is negative people around me. My partner was an ex service man and he was my rock and best buddy. I miss the laughter, hugs and everything really. He was definitely one of a kind. I do feel bless to of met him and I feel he’s still around (in a good way). I think meeting positive people would help me a lot.
Absolutely! Positivity is the key, although it’s hard to maintain that all the time.
I had counselling and benefited from that. I feel i do things to make me feel better but overall it doesn’t take the under lying sadness away.
I am positive and i am living a life that has nice times in it but i never stop missing him. Like you, he was my best friend and my god did we laugh and i miss it. I miss him and nothing stops that.
I have just come out of a slump and as well as counselling at the beginning, I’ve just had some reiki sessions which i found hugely beneficial.
At the end of the day, life sucks. We have been dealt a huge blow and life will never be the same but it doesn’t mean it has to be bad, we just have to find a new way and that takes time and effort. But, it is doable and things are always getting better xx