This Friday marks the first anniversary of me losing my mum. I don’t know how to cope with it, a whole year since I saw my mum, hugged her, told her I loved her, held her hand. I feel heartbroken all over again. I don’t want to lean on friends and family, I know they’ll want me to but I just don’t want to, I don’t know why. I keep having a little cry but then I suppress it again. I don’t miss my mum less I miss her more, I’m so annoyed sometimes that she isn’t with me anymore. How is anyone coping with this first anniversary? It was my eldest daughter’s birthday too, her first without her Nan, her first ever without a card or present from her Nan, it’s heartbreaking, how do I get through this week and beyond?
Thank you for reading 
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@Nikki63 I can only offer my sympathy, my wife died on April 16th last year, so like you, we too are facing a first anniversary.
My adult daughter feels just like you, heartbroken.
She feels that as time passes, her mum recedes further from her and she can’t bare the feeling of losing her.
I tell her and you too, your mum is as far away as your skin and bone, run your hand up your arm, your mum is there, she’s a part of you and as long as you’re alive, she always will be.
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Thats beautiful @yrhengof
I can’t offer any words @Nikki63, I’m facing my first birthday without my mum this month and dreading it. The first anniversary doesn’t bear thinking about currently.
Sending you both much love
xx
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Hello…I feel for you, approaching the first anniversary of losing your Mum. Let your feelings flow! Look at photos, cards etc and remember her. Remember how she made you feel, how special she was. Remember all the love and the good times. Perhaps you could visit a place that she loved, or honour her memory by doing something she always did. If you can, try to balance your heartache and loss by focusing on how fortunate you were to have had such a Mum. Your grief comes from the huge love for her. Sending you courage and strength…xx
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Thank you so so much for your message, im finding life very hard today and this week is going to be tough but im trying to focus on positives x
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Hi Nikki63, I did read that the first year would be the worst and the second one would get better. I was a bit disappointed at first, because nothing happened the first three weeks. It is almost 14 months now that my brother died, and I am slowly getting better now. - It is important to talk to people as much as you can. - I also talk to dog owners here in the park and spoil the dogs with treats. - Just think positive and be patient, there will be still ups and downs from time to time. - Take care, Nick
Hi all, I went through the first anniversary of my mum’s death in February this year. I put a lot of focus on getting through the day itself, which I did ok enough, then the impact of it all hit me hard a few days later. We’re all different of course in how we get through our grief. I am beginning to see why for some people the second year is harder in some ways, for me what helped was telling myself grief doesn’t neatly get resolved at the one year mark (a lot of grief advice says most people have come to terms with their loss by the one year mark, but we’re all unique.)
I’ve been told this too, by my counsellor about the fact that grief doesn’t magically disappear after the first year, I’m finding it harder in many ways, a whole year since I saw my mum, it makes me feel sick, it’s just so so real, I think I just got through this first year not really thinking the first anniversary would ever happen but it’s about to, I just want her back, I’m sure you feel the same, I know she wouldn’t want me to be this way but I can’t be any other, everything feels bleak and just not worth the effort. When I lost my dad I didn’t feel as bereft as this, I feel utterly lost. 
… I’m so sorry for your loss too and thank you for taking the time to reply. x
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Hi @Nikki63, the loss of your second parent is so profound isn’t it? Even though it’s the natural order of things for children to outlive their parents, particularly once they get older (my parents both lived into their eighties) it’s still a massive change to deal with. It’s took me a year to even begin to understand that I’m not the same person I was, and something that major in your life should change you. I hope you get through the first anniversary as well as you can. Take care, Mike
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Utterly profound, puts so much into perspective. My dad was only 42 when he passed so I just had my mum for a lot of years, we did so much together, everything I do reminds me of her, she’s there all the time, just not physically. It’s only when you lose someone so important in your whole being that you really really realise just how massively you miss them. I agree that it changes you, I’ll never be the same again but how can you be when you’ve lost that stability and guiding light from your life? I will get through the anniversary, I haven’t decided yet whether to acknowledge it or just pretend it’s not happening. Will see where my thoughts take me. You take care too .
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Hi @Nikki63
I just went over the six month anniversary of losing my mum. I also lost my dad 42 years ago when I was 9, so it was just mum and me for many years.
The loss of mum seems huge compared to the loss od my dad, maybe because it was an age ago or as I was a child…I don’t know.
I find the passing of time almost scary…because it means mum is getting further away. I know she’s always with me in spirit, but life without her seems so scary and empty. I never imagined the enormity of the grief.
Sending love.K xx
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Thank you for your reply Kate, im so sorry for your loss too and i totally understand what you mean about losing your mum. I was 11 when i lost my dad, and losing my mum is just more devastating, she saw me through everything my whole life, its very hard imagining the future with her not here. I just miss her, i went on hol very recently and wanted to tell her about it then it hits you that you cant. That wave of grief just hits again. Just have to try to be thankful we had them for so many years. You take care, im always here x
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Hi Nikki
So true… we went away for Easter this year and I felt she should have been with us to see a new place or I would send her pics and phone her…
I’m an only child and it really hit me that I’m alone now (apart from my partner and child).
Mum was 85, so I feel grateful for her long life, but I just wasn’t prepared for her to go so suddenly, so much I would have done and said. I struggle so much with that still.
I’m always here too if you want to chat.xx
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My mum was 86, 2 months short of her 87th birthday. She was very poorly but we didnt know till i was told pretty brutally over the phone by a doctor at the hospital. Am still traumatised i think from it. My family life is a bit complicated but im as a good as an only child. Your life sounds quite similar to mine in ways. We were lucky to have our mums for such a long time, im grateful for that but still wish she was here with me. I find it so cathartic chatting with others who have a similar experience, makes me feel not quite so alone with my grief so thank you Kate xx
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It’s good for me to chat too Nikki, it seems we have a lot in common. My mum died suddenly although she had heart failure, we thought she was stable and I just wasn’t prepared for her sudden passing. I still feel traumatised at times and keep going over the could have would have should haves…
Anything we can do to make us feel better at this awful time is positive.
Do you feel that the time has gone quickly? I feel the 6 months have really flown by…
Xx
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Ive just sent you a private message Kate hope thats ok with you Nikki x
Lost mum just before Christmas, so haven’t got to the anniversary yet, but find the anniversaries of my dad and my brother’s deaths hard, just try to note it and celebrate their lives, check in with my surviving brother
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Hi,
I am new on here, honestly the first anniversary had more of an affect on me than i thought it would. The pain was overwhelming & increased anxiety. I felt as if i’d been on auto pilot all year until it came to February & then i truly crashed. My job, finances, family commitments-it all came to a head & i have been struggling since then.
I hope it was as ok as it could have been for you, sending lots of supportive thoughts your way.
Im so grateful i have found this forum x
Hi Mandysdaughter, I’m so sorry for your loss, thank you for sharing with me, the actual anniversary was a blur but the days that are following are hard, stark realisation is horrible. Here if you want to talk and share xx
Hi @Nikki63 , I also found the days following the first anniversary of my mum’s death the hardest to deal with, harder than the day itself. I can also see @Mandysdaughter that , only by looking back now, I too spent most of my first year of grief on autopilot and am now much more aware of my loss.
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