I have only just joined the site. I wanted just to put this out there for others that are going through something similar to me.
It’s a year tomorrow since my mam passed away, she had kidney cancer.
The last year has been the most difficult I have experienced though I’ve got through it. My girlfriend, my family have supported me throughout.
It’s the ongoing wave of grief. It doesn’t get any easier, there are times when the grief just hits you out of nowhere. In the beginning I tried to fight it though I learned how to just flow with it. The feelings last only a few minutes and they go again, the only way I can describe it is like sea storm and then the storm passes and all is calm again.
The overall grief never goes, I tried to switch off from it, like blank it out though it’s something that will always be there and in time it somehow heals a little. I never thought I’d find the inner strength to go on and having the support of loved ones, talking to family about my mam and all the good memories we have keep us all going. The feelings of grief seem to be the same though we all deal with it differently. I found having bereavement counselling really has helped me, just talking about it takes the weight out of it that bit more.
The firsts are always the most difficult, like the birthday, Mother’s Day. I try to always remember the good and happy times though today and the morra it’s bringing back the exact moments of this time last year and it’s raw emotion.
I know me mam is watching over me and I talk to her every night. I find solace in this and going to Scarborough whenever we can for a few days as this holds happy memories for days gone by. Finding a place of calm these days is easier, the anger is not as bad though it flys in now and again. For anyone that is going through this right now, I hope you are finding some comfort somewhere.
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Hi @Johnnyh,
I’m very sorry for the loss of your mam. Thank you so much for sharing this with the community 
I’m sure your words will bring comfort to others.
Take good care,
Seaneen