Saturday 16th will be the first anniversary of my sisters sudden death. She was only 48.
Im having horrific dreams and nightmares about her and my dad (who died 9 years ago), not just being still alive but horrific dreams i wont describe for fear of upsetting people.
So im not sleeping well, my IBS has gone nuts and i feel like im on the edge.
I cant go to family on the 1st anniversary, because she was my closest family. She was my home. I have exams and deadlines at school so im working constantly i dont have time, im working and sleeping just now. But actually i dont really want to go. Her house doesnt feel like home anymore. I mean im still welcome there, and theoretically noone has said i cant go, but it was my safe place and it isnt there.
Im reliving everything that happened this time last year. Constantly.
Im struggling. When dad died, my sister was the one i turned to.
Hi @vivmt
My heart goes out to you at this distressing time. The first anniversary is tough, but all I can say is, maybe if you don’t want to go there, maybe you can do something special yourself to comemerate your sister, maybe make a memory box or scrapbook of special memories, or maybe just a walk somewhere, I get that your very busy with school, & exam time is a very important time, but it’s also important to be kind to yourself, so you do what works best for you, if you feel you want to work to keep busy, that’s ok too, or maybe write to her with all the things you would like to say, I have done this myself & found it quite therapeutic. Sending hugs of support.
Thanks. I think the problem with being a teacher is the phrase “but what about the kids?” Is not ever far from my mind. I feel like if im not top of my game, im letting them down.
It’s not healthy to put yourself under so much pressure, we are all only human, we are entitled to our feelings, and allowed to grieve, be kind to yourself.