It’s 4.00am and I am crying my eyes out. Can’t believe it is almost a year since my man died.I am an emotional wreck just thinking about Tuesday. On one hand it’s like he’s been gone forever and on the other it’s only like a flash away. Everything I do reminds me of him even the simplest things like making the bed knowing he doesn’t lay there anymore. All the dinners I make that are too big cos I am still cooking for two and coming home to a so empty house, not a home any longer. My son wants to meet up on Tuesday to take me for a meal so I won’t be alone all day which is lovely of him but it’s not a celebration, l am heartbroken and don’t know how l am able to cope with this. I just keep going over the events that happened a year ago in my mind. Stewart has ‘come’ to me three times in my dreams and each time it was so comforting and wonderful l wish it would happen more.l was with Stewart for over 60 years, I have known him longer than anyone else and there is such a gap in my life now.
I am so sorry, Cruiser. I am only six weeks into this nightmare and it’s Monday again, the day my Lillian died. Every week I relive the events of that horrific day.
I still have anniversaries to come and I have no idea how I will cope. I have reminders of Lillian all round the house which I want to keep but at the same time they trigger me into bursting into tears.
The silence of an empty house is hard to bear. I can’t stand being here all alone. I need to go out whenever I can but I know I will have to come back to it again. It’s heart breaking.
I am glad that Stewart has come to you in your dreams. He is still with you and always will be. I strongly believe that now.
I hope you get through tomorrow the best you can. Although you don’t want to go for a meal you do have your son for comfort and support.
All I can say is to do whatever feels right for you. We are all going through the same grief but we all have different ways of coping with it. The only person that matters is you.
Sending love and hugs, David. x
Thank you David for your reply it is somehow comforting to “talk” to people you don’t know. There is a lot of us going through this awful nightmare and I hope and pray that we will all get some relief and answers eventually. I will go out with my son and hopefully won’t cry too much. I know he understands . We have been invited to go to a remembrance service at Christmas time from the cemetery chapel which I am sure will be harrowing but nice as well. I have so many photo frames of Stewart and I am always talking to him as I am sure you do with your wife. We know we will never forget them. Take heart and take care. Love and hugs for peace of mind. x
Thank you Cruiser. I have only been on here for a couple of weeks and everyone has been so kind and supportive. I can talk to people on here who understand far better than anyone I know.
I talk to Lillian all the time as you do to Stewart. I find it helps a lot.
I have been reading messages from people who have been on here for quite a long time and they seem to have moved on from where they were in the early days. it’s reassuring to know that things can get better.
I’m glad you have a plan for Christmas and I hope that you get through it the best you can.
Sending love,
David.