First Birthday as an adult orphan

I feel like my hardest first is on its way. I’ve got my Birthday coming up and it will be my first Birthday without the two people that brought me into this world and I feel a bit lost without them. I lost my Mum 18 years ago and last year I lost my Dad. I’m feeling really anxious as the day approaches, but I really don’t want to be sad when the day comes, after all, they scarified so much for me and without them I wouldn’t be here. Has anyone got any ideas of how I could somehow flip this into a positive so I’m not dreading the day so much?


Hi, first can I say “happy birthday” and how lovely your post is regarding your parents. First of any anniversaries are hard and you are right to try and plan what to do.
Personally I would think what would you be doing if they were still here. Or think what you really would want to do even if they may disapprove, in fact that might make you laugh and we all need to do that. Something different like going to a zoo or paint balling yes daft. I have tried different things but never any of those. So may be thinking outside the box. I don’t know if any of this helps but it made me smile just thinking of unusual things. Once again many happy returns and I wish you a very happy day. S xx
Sorry not much use.

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Thank you for the reply… you actually asked a really good question “what would I do if they were here” well the honest answers is I wouldn’t have done anything with them… when I think about it, I guess it’s just the fact that I won’t receive that call/message/card… my Dad was always so good at picking a card and the words always meant so much and I suppose the fact that my life is moving on without them is what I’m finding hard to deal with.

I actually saved the card he gave me last year, so maybe I’ll put that up (or is that just weird?) and I’ll think of something fun to do so I’ve got something to look forward to. Thanks again!

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Hi @DianeH I’m so sorry to read how you’ve lost both your parents. I too am an orphan. I lost my Dad 22 years ago suddenly and my Mum last November to a an extremely long battle with cancer. I too have the last birthday card from my Dad and I have put that up every year since he passed, it brings me comfort like he did actually exist if you know what I mean so isn’t forgotten even on my birthday years later. Luckily I kept lots of my Mum’s cards to me as losing my Dad taught me to be appreciative so I put them all up earlier this year as I couldn’t choose which one! They all brought me comfort but the day was extremely hard I have to say. I decided I wanted a peaceful day so I went for a walk to my town centre and treated myself to a cake and hot drink at Starbucks and just simply pottered about. Please don’t think anything you decide to do is weird. Everyone’s grief is different and will handle it in their own way.
If reading or audiobooks are of interest to you then I have just finished the book called The Orphaned Adult by Alexander Levy. I listen to books as I find it relaxes me. It’s very interesting as I hadn’t realised that being an adult orphan is actually a thing and he says lots things that make so much sense. It’s helped me to cope a little so I just wanted to share that with you.
It’s quite scary not having them around anymore not to mention missing them so much too, I feel like I’m 6 years old again some days and feel so scared.
Whatever you decide I hope you have a peaceful day and are able to get through it in the best way you can.
Sending you compassionate thoughts x

Thank you so much for your kind words @Sal46 - I’m so sorry you have also lost both your parents, although I lost my Mum 18 years ago, I feel like I lost her all over again when my Dad passed away. I’m glad you found comfort in putting the old cards up, that makes me feel so much better about doing the same. I will definitely look that audio book up as well, thank you! Take care x

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I too saved the last birthday card my mum sent to me and I put it up last year, which bought me such comfort. My dad sent me flowers last year and I saved the card he wrote that goes on the flowers. He’s still with us luckily, but will cherish it for the time when he’s not. They always sent me flowers each year, so this was the first time it was only from him. Take care xx

Sorry to read about your Mum, the firsts of everything are really hard aren’t they. After losing my Mum, it made me save everything little thing that my Dad gave me and I really do treasure them all now. Take care x

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