I have just lost my boyfriend in October and next month is his 46th birthday how do I get through this day then Christmas and new year all without him I am absolutely dreading it… I’ve just lost him and I am not ready for all what’s to come I am truly devastated and heartbroken… is there anyone that could possibly give me some wise words that for the first one could prepare me for it x
I know exactly how you’re feeling. I lost my husband in April. December 9th would have been his birthday and then we have Christmas. It’s such a sad time especially when people are starting to discuss what they’ll be doing etc. It makes me physically hurt inside. I’m afraid I have no words of wisdom for you. On my husbands birthday I’ve decided to have all the kids over for a takeaway so at least we can all be together but I’m pretty anxious about it.
As for Christmas - the adverts on the tv etc are really getting to me to be honest. I’d be quite happy to just forget about it all but I know he wouldn’t want me to be like that so I’ll make an effort. It’s all so hard though isn’t it.
You’re still probably in deep deep shock so just take it one day at a time x I’m coming up to 7 months and still struggle terribly but the pain has lessened a tiny bit and I just carry on and hope that it will get better even though it feels like it won’t.
I’ve found it hard because I’m 48 and I don’t know anyone my age who’s been through this so no one can relate to me. People mean well but they have no idea. That’s why I’ve found this site so helpful cos we all know how it feels. Do you have a good support system?
I notice you’re in Essex - I am too. I’m in Clacton - is that anywhere near to you?
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Hi
I am so sorry for your loss and thank you for messaging x
Just yesterday I was in a shop and they was playing Christmas music it made me feel sick I’ve only just lost paul and now to have to have a first birthday then Christmas then new year it’s all just to much and I know like you have said he wouldn’t want me to be like that but I can’t help how I feel… I’m so sad can’t stop crying going over and over everything… he had an unbelievably hard time and it will haunt me forever…
That’s a nice idea though for you all to get together maybe you will find some comfort in that x
My situation is different me and paul was together a short time 3 years half of which he was ill we never had children together and he was not what I call close with his family so him now not being here I don’t have anything to do with them… I knew that would be like that if they wasn’t there for much of Paul’s illness I certainly did not expect them to be there for me… I do have a very good family and a handful of what I call best friends but in saying that I can’t always feel like I can talk to them again you said unless you have lived this terrible loss then you just don’t understand. Everyone grief is different and some people already think I should be ok and that is insulting to me because although me and paul did not have long together I was with him from day one to the end and no one will ever know what that has done to me… the things I saw will stay with me forever…
I am near to Epping so not that far from you
I’m always here if you want to chat it’s not nice not having many people to talk to that understand x x
Hello @Nic14
I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband.
I loss my Marti 13/01/2021, he was ill over Xmas and died in hospital from COVID, he was only 56.
His birthday was in June, a very hard day, me and our sons went to Southend for the day, then for a meal, I cried driving to the beach, then when we had a meal I was still in shock, yearning for him to be by my side on his birthday. Some days are harder then others , he’s on my mind 24/7. I have days when I cry but not like the early days where the tears flowed every day.
I have great friends I made on this site who I chat daily to and have meet ups occasionally, if it wasn’t for them I truly would of worried what I might of done.
I have to keep busy everyday, it’s too lonely and hard being stuck indoors consumed by my grief, then every evening I tidy up etc. I still have days I wish I was with my Marti but think I can’t let my boys lose another parent. Some friends I’ve made are a few years into their grieving and often say, in time we will grow stronger, enjoy a ‘different’ life we’ve been thrown in, we will laugh and have a lot more ‘good’ days and that grieving has no time limit, we just have to take it one day at a time.
Sending you a hug.
Amy x
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Hi Amy x
Thank you for your message and I am so sorry forward r your loss it’s just dreadful I read other people’s stories and know I am not alone which is comforting but I just miss paul so much it hurts so many times I want to tell him things pick up the phone but I can’t. A song comes on that he likes and his not here to listen to it I just can’t get my head round it….
I know this sounds silly but I love animals and my little cat is my world she is very comforting g to me right now, I’ve a love for horses and I have a share I do once a week because it just takes me out of all of this just for a few hours I mean paul never ever leaves my mind but it just relaxes me. I feel exhausted from all the grief I am feeling.
That’s lovely you all went to Southend for the day and did something for your husbands birthday I am not sure what I will do on Paul’s maybe toast a drink to him I know he would not want me being so miserable but I feel broken and scared he was always the first person I would turn to for anything and I just feel so lost. He battled a long hard 18 months and I was there for it all saw him in some terrible states and I can’t get it out my mind. Thank you so much for your message Amy x x
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It doesn’t sound silly when you say you love animals Nic, I, like you have a little cat & she’s so comforting at the minute too. They are just the best.
Ian’s birthday would have been next month. He used to go to his grandparent’s graves and put a wreath on there for Christmas. I’m going to do that on his birthday, he would love to know that and I’m sure it will make me feel close to him. It’s a tiny, quiet churchyard so it will be a peaceful place to sit& think of him.
I think your idea of toasting Paul with a drink on his birthday will be good too. Whatever we do we’ll be thinking of them constantly ( as I think I always will now). Xx
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Thank you for your message x yes I think for all of us a birthday Christmas anniversary all these things now will be just so hard I’m not sure how I will get through everyone is talking of Christmas but I just don’t care my kids are older but one daughter still lives with me I do t want to ruin it for her but I just can’t think about it right now.
For me when Paul’s ashes have been scattered I just don’t know that that will give me any comfort going to his resting place I hope it will but right now I feel he is next to my bed in my photos… I talk to him at all different times and sometimes a song will come on and I think it’s him that’s put that on all these things I now think are him it’s so strange…. But it for that second makes me feel better….
My brain feels totally exhausted from all my thinking I just wish I could stop… life is so cruel at times it makes you wonder what it really all is about… sad sad times what I would give now to be able to just wrap my arms around him and lay with him next to me 🥲x x
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