I have been dreading Christmas for months. My beloved husband died in May this year, I made plans to see close family for short periods, and spend Christmas day with my mum in the care home. Only now, I have got covid. So am well and truly alone. Feeling poorly, and miss his wonderful way of looking after me and always making me feel special. Feeling broken.
7 Likes
Sorry for your loss and what a awful time to get covid. It must be gutting for you not being able to see family and friends. I’ll be glad when its all over as Christmas just isn’t the same anymore hope new year is a bit brighter for all of us.
4 Likes
Yeh totally agree with that - i be glad when its over too ! Its like purgatory ! This time last year i was in a daze having only just lost him a week before ! In many ways that was easier than it is now ! Now im fully conscious and realise how awful it is without him ! Its just flipping terrible and i cant see any hope for my life at all 
i know that sounds awful … but i cant ! He was my everything !! x only thing i have to give me any joy is my puppy … i love her so much but this solitary life, without a husband, is no good for anyone is it !!! Xx
4 Likes
Same here … feel broken and dunno if i will ever be fixed ??? X
3 Likes
@Wifey1 @Deb5 Sorry about your covid. Our lives are so hard aren’t they? Not sure how we ever move forward. Yes sure your puppy helps. I have just had another dog. 2 years old but not house trained. Certainly keeping me busy. As my counsellor tells me when I say I can’t wait for next year. It will come but our special person will still not be with us. Life is so hard and cruel. Xx can’t wish happy ****; as I just want it over with. Xx
2 Likes
Yeh theres no point in looking firawrd is there as it is the same ! I just want a bit of happiness ! Please can i have some joy in my life ! Everything is just awful at moment and bloody xmas is just making everything 10 times worse !!! X
4 Likes
Just seems as years go by we got further and further away from our loved ones. Can’t believe this is my 3rd xmas on my own it doesn’t get any easier.
4 Likes
I am so sorry @Misprint it isn’t easier for you after three years. I lost my dear husband a year in January, so my first Christmas without him. He was in a nursing home this time last year until he died, so I am going through heartbreaking memories. Christmas is making it worse and I shall try and go away next year because I do not think I could cope with another one here.
Best wishes to you.
3 Likes
Yeh thats a good idea ! Go away ! I wish i had !! @Jol has gone away with her mum hasnt she ? If i can find anyone to go away with im gonna do that next year too !! Its bloody excruciating being at home without our loved one !!! Xxx
1 Like
And im same @Rome18 i keep thinking about that last day of his life … it was bloody heartbreaking ! This wonderful , lively man just gradually going to sleep - never to wake up
1 Like
Deb. I know, the dreadful memory changes us. I am not the person I used to be. No peace! joy or happiness without my wonderful man.
Is it 7pm we light a candle on Christmas Eve for them?
2 Likes
I know … the awful sad memories - seeing my man fade away ! Its just awful and theres absolutely nothing i could do !!! I dunno where have you heard 7pm from ? I have my candle on for him every night x
1 Like
@Deb5. I think it was something I had heard that happened on the Sue Ryder forum, lighting a candle at the same time?
1 Like
Oh i didnt hear that ? Is that what they’re doing ? X
@Deb5. I can’t remember where I heard about it now.
1 Like
Its been said a few times on here yes its 7 pm on sunday xxx
1 Like
@Hope5 Thank you for confirming.
2 Likes
Oh i haven’t seen it ? I will remember that … 7pm xmas eve xx
Im hoping when we get christmas and new year over we will all feel a bit of relief .I think we all need something to look forward too next year we will have to get our thinking hats on .And Debs i think you have a new grandchild arriving xxx
1 Like
Yes not until march … i am bit cross with my daughter since our holiday though … shes not been very helpful … thats all im saying … life is tough innit ! I would love to just sail off into the sunset and never come back ! Xxx