I feel like I’m suffocating right now 
This is the first Christmas without my Mum & Her first Anniversary is on the 7th Of January I still can’t believe she’s not here, Christmas was her favourite time of year, I wish it was as all over, But i know it’s not going to get any easier, Everyone keeps telling me that she would want us to celebrate but the thought of it is sending my anxiety through the roof The pain is unbearable, I feel empty, Just going about daily routines is a struggle, I know she’d want me to keep going & not give up but sometimes it’s easier said than done, Just want to crawl into bed, Pull my duvet over my head & wake up from this nightmare xx
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Hello @Cookiebun77,
I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. It’s OK not to celebrate Christmas, and treat it like any other day. This time of year can be especially difficult when we’re missing someone, but please know that it’s important to do what’s right for you.
You might find it helpful to read our coping with grief at Christmas support page.
As well as the community, we offer a range of online bereavement support services that might be helpful to you. You can explore these at sueryder.org/support.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to share those links with you, in case they are helpful right now.
Take care,
Seaneen
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As Seaneen said, it’s important to do what’s right for you. I’m sorry to read that you lost your Mum nearly a year ago. First Christmas’s and birthdays are always the hardest. Obviously what you do this year depends on what family you have, and with 19 close family it’s actually hard for me to avoid Christmas. My thoughts are with you, and I’m sure you will get through, even if it’s a bit rough at times. I say that having lost my Mother in law (who lived with us) and my own mother within 3 days in December 2004. Today is actually the 20th anniversary of my mother’s death, so with losing my own wife last month, the last few days have been pretty tough. So I really do understand what you are feeling right now. From my experience it does get easier over time but it does depend on the closeness of your relationship. My wife was very close to her mum, as my wife had no siblings to share her with, and she also had no siblings to share her grief at the time. She was always really down, and sad, on her anniversary, birthday and Christmas in particular.
Try to think of all the great times you’ve had with your mother at previous Christmases, and I’m sure there must have been many of those by what you say. Raise a glass in toast for all those good times. And don’t worry if you cry - that’s so natural.
I hope I’ve given you some comfort and knowledge that others will be there for you here as well.
God bless. M
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