First Christmas without Dad

I’ve been doing much better recently since losing my Dad in April but Christmas is really throwing me and I don’t know how to be anymore.
We chose to cancel it this year and do the bare minimum, it’s worked for me so far but tonight it’s hit me like a ton of bricks that he’s not here. What I would give just to talk to him.
Honestly, I feel like I’ve lost my life, my childhood, the joy out of anything now he’s gone, and he didn’t even like Christmas much now me and my sister are adults, but I used to love forcing him into it.
I don’t recognise any of this life anymore, I just want to go to sleep and wake up when Christmas is all over. People just don’t understand, they see Christmas as a happy time and now I’m getting better at playing along they must think I’m fine too when inside I’m actually crying and screaming constantly.
I hate it all and I don’t know how else to be or what to do to help, it’s just another thing thrown in your face of the happy times you’ll never share with that person again, it’s cruel.


Dear Meg31

Christmas is very hard time of the year as it is very much about families coming together. When there is a member of the family missing it makes Christmas much harder. My father never liked Christmas either and when he died we as a family felt guilty celebrating Christmas without him.

The first Christmas is the hardest and in time it will get easier. On this forum there is a topic Losing a Parent which will connect you to other members of the community who have been in the same situation as yourself.

I would also like to guide you to Cruse Bereavement they offer a helpline, email support, counselling and support groups through their local services -

They do have a help line on 0808 808 1677 which is available today and tomorrow 10.00-14:00 (Christmas hours). It would be good for you to talk to someone.

Take care.

Dear Meg31,
I completely understand how you are feeling, I lost my Dad at the beginning of January and i knew out of all the anniversaries, birthday’s and father’s day, Christmas would be the hardest as my parents always for years have come to me on Christmas day. So i, like you just wanted the days to jump from Christmas eve to boxing day. I also found that Christmas this year, just came so quickly. On Christmas morning, when i went to pick up my mum, I started off ok, but as I drove to my mum’s i just started crying and as i got nearer and nearer, it was making me worse. I did manage to control myself by the time I got into my mum’s so that she didn’t see, that I had been upset. I was ok after that. It is just so weird that grief just comes out and hits you. I’d say to you that i have found this website so comforting, This is my third post, It does help to write out your feelings, and read other peoples posts as it make me feel not alone in the way that you are feeling and you can say how you feel, without upsetting others. I know life isn’t meant to be easy and losing a parent is so hard, they do say that it does get easier over time. We just need to deal with it as things arrive. Take care and lets hope that 2022 is a bit easier than 2021. Xx

Hi Meg31,
I completely understand how you are feeling, I lost my dad in March unexpectedly and we managed to make it through the year, we didnt the complete opossite to yourself and decided that myself and my mum would join my fiances family for christmas (he has an 8 year old son so thought it would make it more magical). The day was lovely because there were so many people and because of mmhis son however we then got given gifts of pictures and jigsaws and things of my dad which pulled it all out of the rug i was trying to hide everything under. It was a lovely thought but i wasnt expecing it so i got emotional and ended up sobbing, my mum cried and i felt qorse by the time i was done.
Im not sure any way of dealing with christmas was going to make it better because we know they arent there and we just need to think of how they would want us to be happy and have a nice time.
Sending you lots of love and i hope in time we all get to a place where we can talk and manage iur emotions better xxxxxx

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hi im peter ilost my dad to it was a real shock i was at work when they broke the news it was such a shockii just broke down in tears it was awfull christmas now is so hard for me