First Christmas without your child

Losing a child
21

Hi I lost my daughter suddenly in October only 36 left behind 3 beautiful daughters, who now live with me full time, am so sorry for all your losses Christmas was so hard as it was her favourite time of year, I just want to curl up in a ball and cry, but have to put brave face on for my grandchildren, feel so lonely and dumb xx

22

Hello sue246,

Iā€™m so sorry for your loss. Itā€™s been so hard through Christmas and new year. My daughter Laura loved everything about it. I did curl up for a day or so in between Christmas and new year it got too much. I am physically and mentally exhausted and Iā€™m sure you feel like that too.

Did you do anything special for your daughter? I lit a candle at 7pm on Christmas Eve to remember Laura. She is with me always with me.

I am a few weeks further along the grief path. Laura passed away on 7th August 22 weeks ago. Itā€™s the worst feeling to ever have to go through. I have learnt not to fight grief but go with it the highs the lows and the big lows. Do you have family or friends to support you? Please tell us about her?

There are so many amazing mums and Dads on here who are all going through this crazy time.
Sending a virtual hug this morning.

Mrsmac

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23

Thank you for your reply, Amy my daughter was 36 she was really poorly in 2008 with cardic arrest nearly lost her a lot of times but she had a devib fitted in her chest I lived a normal life went to work loved her family holidays, then a year ago she got Addisons and had to take medication every day, I was out with her the night before she died, I have guilt if we didnā€™t go out drinking would she still be here she was so well when she passed away so was such a shock, she was my only child and my world x

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24

Hi sue and mrs mac so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughters . Sue it must be so hard because now you have the responsibility of you grandaughters they will keep you afloat. This grief is just awful i lost my boy sam 24 in april to cancer .its like livi ng in a nightmare . Come on here and chat . I feel very alone but on gere we are the same sending you big hugs love zoexx

25

Hi zoe so sorry for your lose we should never have to say goodbye to a child, my grandchildren are amazing but itā€™s my daughter I want back, I still feel like sheā€™s coming back donā€™t think I still believe sheā€™s not, Amy was my daughter and my best friend, we not got any close family it was me her and girls, and my partner of 9 years,but we separated in December so feel even more alone, friends donā€™t really bother with me now mabe they donā€™t know what to say, work have been amazing but not sure if I should of gone back yet x

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26

Hi sue246

I feel for you. The circumstances are a shock. Laura my eldest daughter passed away from a cardiac arrest. She had been poorly 3 years earlier and thought I would loose her then. But she kept battling on being brave and strong. We had just had a wonderful week and then on the Saturday within in blink of an eye everything changed. Just as I am sure it has for you.

The enormity of loosing your daughter your only child is devastating. The grief is consuming and everyone deals with it differently. Itā€™s like a wave machine you never know when that big roller is coming in to get you. I read somewhere which I related to especially over the Christmas time and I think I posted on here earlier that grief is like glitterā€¦.you think you have got rid of it and then a bit more pops up.

I suppose you are kept busy with your grandchildren but if you do have time and you need to talk we are all here for you but register for counselling it has helped me to have someone independent to your grief that listen. We all get wrapped up in our own feelings sometimes.

I have felt the suddenness of Laura passing difficult and the fact that I will not see her again only in my mind. Really hard. Then other times that she didnā€™t suffer too muchā€¦I hope and was not in too much pain.

Take comfort from anything you can and be kind to yourself.

Mrsmac

27

I feel like that hes got to be coming back its a very empty loss feeling i sit for hours in his bedroom wrapped in his blanket this life is cruel .im sorry about your oartner .so you must feel so mixed up and you have to look after three children are they school age give yoursrlf time .and make time for you .it makes me mad coz no one wants to talk about sam and i do .sue your grief is so new look after yourself sending big hugs zoe xx always here

28

Hi I have arranged counselling but at present thereā€™s a 12 week wait for it, sharing with you all about my daughter as helped as you have losted a child to so now how hard it is, I feel the people in my life donā€™t understand and think I should off got over it by now x

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29

Here for you if you need to sound off. The 12 weeks will go around quick enough till counselling. I think time passes so quick now. The weeks disappear. I found that family and friends do disappear after the funeral. Itā€™s like you should be over it and life returns to normal. Their life may be normal but ours will never be the same. We will never get over the loss of our child. We learn to adjust. But this is all so new to us all that have lost a child.

This path of grief can be lonely so donā€™t be alone or afraid. One day at a timeā€¦.

X

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30

Mrsmac your words are so true everyone there for Amyā€™s funeral never hear from anyone of them now, so isolated hard enough losing a child but having know one to share the grief with is even harder xx

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31

I feel that sue very alone .no one to talk to .and people avoid the subject jan 13th last year got told sam had cancer he was gone april .it just dont make sense .im still waiting for him to be here much love to you zoe x

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32

Hi zoe feels so sad that we have to go on line for support, everyone in my life promised they would always be there, i would like to think if it was one of my friends I would be there and more supportive to them, we have two life one where we say yeah where OK, and the other one where we cry and our heart is breaking, never see me been happy again just going though the paces xx

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33

I know sue thats how i feel going through the motions .what this life has thrown at us its to much take care xxx

34

It is a very devastating thing that has happened. Ride the waves of grief those bad days when you feel absolutely awful. The feeling in your stomach that is so bad. The tears that never stop. The pain in Your heart.

Go with those good moments that bring just a smile a memory that is a good one. They may not come to often but go with them too.

We all grieve differently and there is no right or wrong way. We are mums that have lost our babies no matter how old their were. We will love them forever.

We are remarkable people even though we donā€™t think it. Keep talking if you can x

35

Bless you .thank you for kind words .your pretty amazing ā€¦kindness is everything love zoe xx

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36

Lovely words thank you xx

37

Lost my lovely daughter 40 . Left with nothing as her partner has moved on within 4 months. Am absolutely crushed. Would do anything to b with her . Cherish your beautiful grandchildren. Lots of love

38

Maggie thank you for your kind words so sorry for your lose, feel like 2 different people on the outside looks like am staying strong for the girls on the inside I feel like am drowning, still thinking sheā€™ll come back to me :broken_heart::broken_heart: