First Christmas

Looking to the future
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My Mum passed away over a month ago now and as Christmas gets closer, the reality of what has actually happened is starting to set in. Every single Christmas I have had, my Mum has been the centre. I mean every Christmas my dad is just as surprised at what I got for Christmas off them both as I am! She did all of that, she really was the hub. I had the job of sorting and wrapping all the presents she had already bought for us all, and it was really gutting to see everything she had gotten everybody, including what she had gotten me. I know her very well so it was easy to see what presents were for who.

I want to honour her as much as possible and make her proud. I mean the day me and my Dad went and got the Christmas tree, I had a bloody hissy fit because I felt that the tree was too big and she had told me before she died that she wanted a smaller tree this year. I felt as if I had failed her instantly. Everyone kept telling me it was fine but I was having none of it because I just got so worked up that
maybe she would be angry with me or something, which is stupid I know. However after it had chance to drop, it was actually the perfect size. But nevertheless, it was because I had wanted to make sure I honoured her wishes as much as I could.

This brings me to my point, (finally). I have read article after article of how to cope with the first Christmas after losing somebody and they are all fairly repetitive. Just the usual stuff. Somehow articles make things seem so easy when as we all know, it is far from it. I guess I just want to know is there anything you all found helped you through the day? Did you do something to honour them? Or if you are like me and this is your first Christmas without a loved one, are you planning anything?

My dad, my sister and me are going to visit my Mum’s grave Christmas Day and I have a tea light holder coming with a little verse called ‘Christmas in Heaven’ that I will keep lit throughout the day. But I just don’t know if this is enough? I just want to make sure it is as bearable as possible, but I also want to make sure that my Mum is involved in the day.

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I’m sorry to hear about your mum @charlotte97. It’s understandable to hear that as Christmas comes closer, it’s all feeling harder. Christmas can be a really tough time of year, you’re not alone and we’re all going to be here to support you through this.

I just wanted to say that your feelings around wanting to honour your Mum’s wishes are completely valid. I can really hear how much you care about her and want her to be part of Christmas this year. I’m really glad to hear the tree was the perfect size in the end. It’s really nice that you’re going to light your tea light on the day to remember her, it sounds like a great way for her to be involved and remembered throughout the day.

You mentioned that the articles you’ve found around how to cope with the first Christmas after losing somebody are quite repetitive. I was wondering if you had a chance to read our article that was written by some of the Sue Ryder counsellors. You can find that here - https://www.sueryder.org/how-we-can-help/coping-with-grief-bereavement/christmas

There’s also lots of threads from people who are going through their first Christmas’s without their loved one too. You may find this thread helpful to read through - First Christmas

I hope this has helped a little, keep reaching out to us and look after yourself this Christmas :yellow_heart:

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Charlotte97,
I’m sorry you lost your Mum.
My Mum passed away suddenly last October. On Xmas day l lit a candle, whilst my partner and I opened presents. The candle was not in the same room, when we were opening the gifts, as I didn’t want to make it too oppressive.

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Thank you so much, I will check this out :relaxed:

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Hi I’m sorry you lost your mum too, the pain is quite something else isn’t it :pensive: Hope you are well x